Balance

Balance

According to the Oxford Dictionary the definition of the word balance is: "An even distribution of weight enabling someone or something to remain upright and steady;  Stability of one’s mind or feelings."  We all try to maintain balance in our lives.  It is a never ending juggling act to divide our energy and attention between our children, spouse, other family members, friends, career, exercise, and leisure, all while maintaining emotional stability.  As most of us see it, far too much time is spent on the things that we "need" to do and not enough time is left over for the things we "want" to do. Often, there is not even close to enough time to do the things we need to do well.

This week was an especially hard week in my own personal balancing act.  After a particularly rough day, I came across this article which really spoke to me. When All the Spinning Plates Crash (You are required to read this before proceeding.) 

I have spent most of my life trying to keep all my spinning plates from crashing.  Most of the time I am successful.  However, there are numerous times when they come crashing down, and when this happens, no one is harder on me than me.  Lately, it has been much harder for me to keep my plates spinning. It is a much harder task when you simply don't feel well and don't have the energy to do yet one more thing.  More often than not, I feel as though I am coming up short in many aspects of my life.

This week, I have spent a lot of time preparing both my home and classroom for my absence.  True to my nature, I want to make sure that all bases are covered, and of course, no one can do it like I would. 

It is hard for me to ask for help.  It always has been (probably always will be).  This has caused me a lot of problems.  On Friday, at a meeting at school, a co-worker, bless her heart, made me promise that once I have left for my procedure in Denver, I leave school behind.  She stated, "This place can run without out you.  Take care of yourself first."  

Easier said than done.  Moms take care of everyone else first.  That is just what we do.  In fact, this morning, I began cleaning my house and doing laundry before I remembered to feed myself breakfast (everyone else had eaten).  

Late this morning, I received a FedEx overnight package labeled "open immediately, medical device enclosed".  The package contained an event monitor for my heart, which I will be wearing for approximately the next 2 weeks leading up to my procedure. This allows the doctors to monitor my heart via real time in order to gather more information. Big Brother is watching my heart! Four electrodes are connected to my chest along with wires that all lead to a monitoring device.  This transmits information to a cell phone which then transmits the information. Now, this whole thing seems REAL, making this week much more difficult emotionally and adding another plate to juggle.     

So, if you see me, and I seem a bit frazzled, know that I am just trying to keep my plates from crashing to the floor.  I am working on putting one foot in front of the other while planning to be gone for at least a week, and I am exhausted and a bit nervous.  

I can't even imagine how hard it would be to keep up with this balancing act if it were not for all the wonderful friends, family, and co-workers, I have surrounding me and lifting me up through this process.  Thank you all for the little pep talks this week and just for asking me how I am doing.  I know you all have plates you are trying to keep spinning as well. 

Eleven more days to go until the procedure to fix these holes in my heart.  I am excited and anxious to begin the road to recovery and continuing on the journey towards embracing more balance in my life. I am looking forward to this eventually becoming easier when this plate is eliminated from the mix.