On Being a Mom

 

 

Ever since I can remember, I have wanted to be a mom. I was the traditional little girl who played with dolls for days on end. My best friend Nicki and I would play dolls overnight; we even used her younger brother and my younger sister to be the older child of our “families”. She lived across the street from me all through elementary school. This allowed us to “pretend” we were neighbor moms. 

In junior high and high school, I was naturally drawn to babysitting and teaching swimming lessons to young swimmers. I also “mothered” my youngest sister, Liz, whenever possible. It was awesome to have a new baby in the house when I was 8. Unfortunately, she didn’t love this “mothering” continuing until she was an adult. I also chose to become a school teacher and coach instead of a pilot, in order to work with kids but also to have a schedule that would “make sense” to have a family.

At 28, I finally became a mom for the first time about 1 week before Mother’s Day. Eva Mae came into my life and changed it  and me forever. Becoming a mom is the best thing that has ever happened to me. It is also the absolute hands down most challenging endeavour I have ever taken on. 

No one warns you about this part. When you give birth, your child does not come with an owner’s manual. There are no instructions on how to parent. Yes, there are self-help books, but most of those contradict themselves. You should put your baby on a schedule. No, babies make their own schedules. Give children consequences; no, positively reinforce their behavior. To breastfeed or not, to co-sleep or not. Be a stay at home mom; be a working mom….. The list goes on and on….. 

And then there’s the mom guilt. Come on, you know we all have it. It doesn’t seem to matter what you do. As mom’s, we are always questioning ourselves if someone else isn’t already…. Everyone seems to know how to parent or have an opinion about parenting…..

We are all also scared at some point if not multiple times throughout parenting that we are “messing our child up”.

If we aren’t questioning ourselves as moms, and others aren’t questioning our parenting, then enters our child with his or her own opinions……. 

“Mary’s mom lets her!”

“I hate you!”

“You like/love (brother or sister’s name) more!”

“I hate you!”

“You’re so mean!”

“Bobby’s mom is nicer than you!”

“Why?”

“I hate you!”

“Susie’s mom is cooler than you!”

Need I say more? It’s a tough job. Sometimes, it’s all we can do to survive a day or even an hour. Often it is a thankless job; but someone’s got to do it. Guess what? That’s you!

You know what is the best part of being a mom, though? Those moments no one else gets to share or see. 

Getting up at all hours of the night to feed them when they are babies. Those snuggles are so special.

Hearing their first words, especially if it isn’t “dad’. :)

Teaching them to walk, feed themselves, dress themselves, and yes use the bathroom all by themselves.

Snuggling up with a good book before bed.

When they are sick, and all they want is mom.

Wiping their tears when they are sad or hurt. 

Hearing them say, “I love you mom!” 

Or “You’re the best mom!”

Hugs…. All the hugs

All the good nights; tucking them in.

And all the good mornings.

Watching them as they learn to read, and the excitement that comes when they read you their first book.

Their first piano recital, band concert, or theater production.

Watching them swim, play soccer or basketball, run or jump EVERY TIME!

Hearing them giggle.

Being the first person they come to to sort out a problem.

Picking out school clothes. 

Helping them get ready for their first dance.

Hearing them call you and only you, “mom”.

I know this list will continue to grow as my children grow up. I am already dreading the day when my house grows quiet, and my beautiful, hardworking daughters are grown. I only hope that someday, they truly know how much I love them and the amount of joy they have brought into my life. Because even though the journey can be so difficult at times, I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Being Eva and Abby’s mom is the best thing I have ever done. They are my biggest challenge but remain the best decision I have ever made. I wouldn’t trade being their mom for anything. 

Mom’s it’s a tough road, but so worth the journey. Keep going, because you never know what joy lies just around the corner. 

Love,

Ann

Do Life's Challenges Repeat Until We Learn the Lesson?

 

    Do we experience setbacks until we stop repeating the same patterns of behavior? It seems to me personally that challenges keep being thrown my way in different forms but with the exact same intended lesson outcomes. This has led me to do a lot of thinking and quite honestly a lot of overthinking about why? Why does it seem that every year or couple of years I am thrown a curveball? What is God trying to teach me in all of this, and more importantly, why I am not listening, learning, and making changes? 

    I started to think about my lessons while I was reading the book, "The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry" by John Mark Comer. I had first heard about this particular book in a sermon series put together by my pastor at Element Church. I then discussed this idea with multiple Christian friends including my sister and a man I began dating. We decided to read this book together. He even had it sent to me in the mail unbeknownst to me. What a guy! This one may be a keeper. Needless to say, reading this book may have been life changing. I guess we'll see if I continue to experience setbacks that lead me back full circle. Yet to be determined at this time, but I sure hope not. I am ready to lead a life of peace.

    In my life, the curveballs and cycle of lessons started in 2015. I am defining curveballs as big life events thrown my way that were completely unexpected, very unplanned, and definitely not pleasant experiences overall. My diagnosis of a PFO and 2 ASDs tend to have led the charge. This was followed by a ruptured achilles tendon requiring surgery in 2017, a move due to unexpected career hiccups in 2018, separation in 2019, a divorce in 2020, finding and losing love and the COVID-19 shutdown and quarantine in 2020. So far, nothing has been added to this list in 2021. Fingers crossed......

   Upon much reflection, I believe all of these challenges were put on my path to teach me some very important lessons. While I still cannot tell you why I was not listening and learning, I believe these main lessons all revolve around hurry. Perhaps I wasn't ready, maybe the timing wasn't right...... hopefully, the lessons have sunk in and the cycle will cease to keep repeating.

Apparently, I am uncomfortable with idle time. Therefore, I pack my schedule full to avoid the discomfort of being bored..... If I have more time, I schedule something, anything; coffee with a friend, a random trip to Target, anything, so I don't relax. According to Comer, this is the problem for many of us. His advice, "You must ruthlessly eliminate hurry from your life." pg 19.

    Hurry is in direct opposition to spiritual life, Comer explains. This includes patience and love. We harm the ones we love when we are in a hurry, because we lose patience when we hurry. This comes out in harsh tones, words, and actions. Hurry comes with a life that is too busy. Jam packed schedules lead to hurry..... Oh wow! 

Unfortunately, American culture thrives on busyness and hurry. It is a badge of honor to be busy. In fact, many people answer the question, "How are you?" with "Busy!" Recharging and self-care are not prioritized yet mental health issues are on the rise. Everyone wishes they had more time, yet that's not the answer. Because guess what? We just fill more time with more obligations and plans. So how is this related to my lessons? 

    What do all of the events I outlined above have in common? They all FORCED ME TO SLOW DOWN. Mostly importantly, they all led me back to my Christian faith. I am not in control anymore. And yes, losing control was one of the most scary things for me. Once I learned to turn control over to God, I experienced so much faith. 

These life events in turn helped me to analyze, identify, and only be involved in the most important aspects of life. That's all I had time for and all I could handle in the midst of crisis. In this slowing down and reprioritizing, I quickly realized how much I had to be grateful for when I was leading a more simple life. Guess what I was also happier as a result!

    The problem for me was once the crisis was over, I went right back to filling my schedule with busyness. This then led to hurry, leading to impatience, and anxiety. Hence, reinstate vicious cycle once again. All of this affected my quality of life as well as how I interacted with those I love especially my children and others closest to me..... patience went down the drain and well.... I would go right back to status quo apparently not learning the lessons God intended. Therefore, I was challenged with more events that forced me to stop in my tracks once again.......

    So now, it is 2021, I have identified my problem: busyness that leads to hurry. I know the solution: continue to focus and prioritize my spiritual journey, slowing simplicity, solitude, and silence (see Comer's book for more explanation of these). When I actively pay attention to mindful practice of these ideas as well as practicing daily gratitude, I believe I successfully avoid busyness and hurry. I am truly at peace and more happy with my life. Although, I don't think life will be smooth sailing from now on, I do hope that any challenges thrown my way are to teach me some other lesson. Or maybe I have earned a small break from life's challenges....... 

    

Letting Go of the Life You Imagined

Letting Go of the Life You Imagined

And Embracing the One You are Living.....

According to the American Psychological Association, the divorce rate in America is between 40 and 50 percent. This rate is even higher in subsequent marriages.  I don't think this is news to anyone, but it is still crazy to think that our odds in staying married are about the same as winning a coin toss. 

There are many reasons why marriages don't last, but I am not here to get into that. What I wanted to explore today is my journey in letting go of the life I imagined and worked to build for 15 years. I think this was one of the most difficult things for me to work through in being a newly divorced person. I am also not claiming to be an expert or that I am even doing it right. I also have a lot of people who went before me to thank for putting many things into perspective for me. For that, I will be forever grateful.

A divorce does not have to mean your dreams are over. It does represent a death of a relationship and the end to dreams that you had with your ex-spouse and the family you built together. This can be super hard. However, for me, as the dust settles, I am learning that this can truly be a new, wonderful beginning as well as chance to do things the way I want. Many of those things may be similar to what I set out to accomplish in my twenties, but now that I am forty I should be wiser.  Right? Maybe just maybe I can build something better. I sure hope this is true, and I put my faith in that it is, because I intend to do better this time. Much better..... I don't want to be another divorce statistic. 

A big part of this involved a shift in attitude. Which my friends is way hard.... It is way to easy to see all of the things you feel you are losing or that aren't fair. When you see your ex moving on especially with someone else, it stings. You wonder why couldn't I make him happy. What does she have that I don't? This even happens when you both know the marriage was negative, and it is better for everyone to separate your paths.

Here are some things I had to let go of.....

     1. Having my kids under my roof 100 percent of the time. 

     2. Our family of 4 camping or really doing anything else together.

     3. Our family attending sporting events or band concerts or theater performances as one unit.

     4. Building a business with my spouse.

     5. My dream of running a gym as a part of said business.

     6. Spending every holiday with my children.

     7. Control of all things kid related.

     8. Being a part of a couple.

     9. Anger and resentment.

     10. Feeling alone.

Things I am learning to embrace.....

     1. More appreciation for the time when I have my kids and making this time quality.

     2. Camping and other adventures look different, but in some ways are much better! I get to create my own adventures and memories with my girls.

     3. Enjoying all things kid related including band concerts, sporting, and theater events on my own. 

     4. Going back to my original career teaching elementary school. I can create my own security and provide for myself and the girls. That's empowering.

     5. Someday, I will still get back into coaching.... swimming or a gym, when I am ready.

     6. Even if my kids are not physically with me on holidays, I can create our own new traditions,

and I involve friends and family in new, fun ways!

     7. Loving my time to myself and not always having to be the parent in charge. It allows me to recharge and actually be a better mom. Although, I still miss my girls like crazy.

     8. Being single can be ok. Dating is also a lot of fun. The anticipation that there may also be a much better match for me, and the happiness that will come with that possibility. 

     9. Creating my own happiness and living my life on my terms.

    10. I am not alone. I have amazing friends and family.

So while my dreams may not look the same as they did even 2 years ago, I still have them. I can still build a life that resembles what I imagined 2 decades ago. Hopefully, this one will be even better because I am better. I have always worked to learn from things that didn't work out and am still doing that everyday. I still imagine a life of fulfillment and happiness, even if it now looks a bit different. I am grateful for what I have everyday and work to make an even better tomorrow.

Bless you all my friends. Thanks for your support and love. 

Take Care,

Ann

Eva: My First Born

Eva: My First Born 

Exactly 1 month ago today, we celebrated my first born turning 13. I can hardly believe it has been 13 years since dear, sweet Eva entered the world and made me a mom for the first time. Even after 37 hours of labor, it was love at first sight. From the time I was very young, I knew I wanted to be a mother and after a miscarriage earlier that year, I finally had my wish.

Those of you who are parents can likely relate to the feeling you have when you meet your bundle of joy for the first time. It is hard for me to put into words how I felt. Obviously, I was extremely exhausted, but I didn't care. My heart was already full of so much love for this beautiful little girl my body had made from scratch. Little did I know how much that love would grow, as she has grown and developed into her own little person, over the past 13 years. Now here she stands an amazing young woman before me.

Eva was nicknamed, "Buglet" by her preschool teacher Miss Jill, and since then, that name has stuck. It is still as fitting today at 13 as it was at 4. She is and always has been a little spitfire with a mind all her own. She wears her heart on her sleeve. There is no guessing how she feels. Luckily, most of the time, she radiates a sheer love of life and happiness for everything and everyone around her. 

Eva is not afraid to think outside the box to solve any problem presented to her. Often, I find her with household tools including, hammers, nails, glue, cardboard, screwdrivers, tape measures, scissors, you name it, designing something using her creative imagination. She leaves a tornado of things behind her, as she quickly moves from one thing to the next. Eva is quick witted and really gets concepts and jokes other kids her age often don't.

Her father and I have no doubt that someday, this child may grow up to rule the world. She is never afraid to say what is on her mind and is a natural born leader. Often it can be difficult to parent a strong willed child, but I know that this will serve her well in the future. We are so proud of her hard work and dedication to school, theater, and music. This little lady was born to perform and will often be found in the basement with her sister making up plays including music, costumes, and a complete script. 

In addition to being an amazing student, performer, and singer, Eva works hard to be a good athlete. She doesn't come by this as naturally as her sister, but has recently found that she loves running and is embracing that she is a talented swimmer. She is most definitely her sister's best cheerleader and supporter.

Eva has a big heart and cherishes her friendships and loves little kids. I have no doubt she will do and be anything she wishes in this life. Currently, her dream is to be a surgeon. I am so excited to continue to watch this little lady grow. It is so hard to believe that in 5 short years, she will be an adult.....

Til Next Time,
Ann

Controlling Your Thoughts Before They Control You

Controlling Your Thoughts Before They Control You

Just like most of you, this time of isolation has been hard on me and my girls for multiple reasons. I too am worried about the future. I am not going to deny the stress that this Coronavirus pandemic has put on our entire existence. Worries about the economy, my own personal finances, my daughters' educations, gas prices and the stock market plummeting, the mental health of my friends and family, the loss of jobs; the list can sometimes feel endless. I feel you my friends. Times are tough right now. Not knowing when this is going to end, or when we can make plans for the future is really messing with us all. However, how we handle this situation is completely up to us and can also lead to a much better future than we could ever imagine if we can just get control over our own minds. If we don't control our thoughts soon they can over take and control us.

Now, this is much easier said than done for sure, but it is still something we can control. So, try to be proactive about your thoughts. What you put into your mind has a lot of impact on your mental health and well being. When possible, choose positive over negative. 

Inevitably, negative thoughts and worries will surface. When this does happen, acknowledge this and ask yourself, "Is this thought productive? What can I do about this right now?" If the thought is not productive and/or if it is something you cannot control, change your thought to something else, something positive. You can also find something positive and productive to do as a distraction, take a walk, turn on a positive podcast, do anything that makes you happy. Sit down right now and make a list of things you can do that brings positive to your life.  Here is mine. Use it as a a starting point in making your own....

1.  Listening to music

2.  Exercising (running, biking, weight lifting, CrossFit, hiking) 

3.  Motivational podcasts

4.  Reading

5.  Playing games with my kids

6.  Talking on the phone or video chats with friends and family

7.  Writing

8.  Making jewelry

9.  Watching a good show or movie 

10. Coloring

11. Shooting my bow

12. Home improvement

When your negative thought is something you can control, write it down. Brainstorm a list of actions you can take to work on making progress on exterminating this negative. For example, if you lost your job, make a list of things you can do to recover that income. The top of that list is to file for unemployment. If you miss your family or had to cancel a trip, call them or video chat. 

There are almost always things you can do to turn a positive into a negative, sometimes it takes some creative thinking or research. The most important thing is to not dwell on these negative thoughts or feelings. 

Seek out others who are in the same situation as you. Ask for advice on how they might be handling it. You aren't alone. The whole world is going through this together even though at times this isolation can make you feel like you are completely alone. 

Last, take a break from social media. Turn off the news. Right now, there is information overload from all directions. This can really influence our thoughts and feelings. Do your best to filter what is going into your mind before it has a chance to even get there.

This takes practice my friends. I still have moments when I panic. feel anxious, cry.... it's ok. Sometimes, we need to do that in order to express our feelings, so we can move past them. If you feel like this, do it.

My thoughts are with you all.  May we all come out of this stronger, wiser, and mentally strong.

Fondly,
Ann

Celebrating Abby

Celebrating Abby

On April 16, 2009, when I was in labor during a snowstorm, little did I know the amazing gift this 6 lb 9 oz baby girl was going to be to me as a mom and all those around her. Yes, I had an idea, as she had an almost 2 year old big sister over the moon excited waiting for her at home. But, I really had no clue how her own unique personality would develop as she grows becoming completely her own person. She has her own opinions; likes, dislikes, strengths and weaknesses etc that make her an amazing little lady.
So today, as we celebrate her 11th birthday, I reflect on and celebrate this gift that keeps giving and surprising  me daily. Abby is wise beyond her years blessed with an old soul. At a very young age, she would keep tabs on things. I fondly remember leaving the house to go on a trip and her asking, "Did you close the garage door?" She was 5. 

Over the past several years, her father and I have watched her handle high pressure situations with ease and grace. It amazes me the pressure that she can handle. From the time she was 7, she has competed at the Wyoming State swim meet and always pushed herself to get better and improved her times earning trips to Age group Sectionals and Zones. Along the way, she has earned high point awards and set state records. She has also become a leading point scorer on the field in her age group in soccer. And most recently was offered the opportunity to take 7th grade honors math as a 6th grader. 

Abby strives to be the best at everything she does, and the amazing part is most of this motivation comes from deep within herself. What most people don't see is the hours she puts in on her own time outside of practices and the school day working to improve her skills. To me this is the most amazing thing to watch as a parent. She sets a goal and executes. 

Yes, she receives support and guidance from her dad and I as parents; she is still only 11. But, we really try to keep this to a minimum. If it were up to her, she would be in the pool or at soccer or basketball practice every single day. However, we work to limit this and keep it age appropriate. We definitely don't want her to burn out! At times, during early season swimming, she only goes to 2 practices/wk. She hates this!

Abby can often be found watching sports videos or seeking out inspirational quotes to post on the wall in her bedroom. She has also been known to ask for math workbooks for Christmas! I love how she is always working to improve herself. I am confident this little lady will go far in life due to her drive and work ethic.

This being said, I also love that she can be a bit goofy and is still very much a little girl. Her laugh is a deep belly laugh and so very contagious. You cannot help but laughing when she is around. She still builds with legoes, makes forts, and plays in the snow.

Abby has a huge heart and cares very deeply for those around her. She is a loyal friend and sister and always finds an amazing group of girlfriends to spend time with. Abby is always one of the first ones to know when I need a hug and still sits on my lap. I know this time is limited, as she keeps growing and is almost as tall as me.

While I cannot wait to see what her future holds, I really wish I could stop time sometimes and keep her from growing up. She truly has been a gift to me and many others. I cannot imagine my life without my Abster. 

Fondly,

Ann

You Can Take Control

You Can Take Control

It's Friday, March 20, 2020. I am sitting here alone at my kitchen table amidst the COVID-19
crisis trying to wrap my mind around what all this means for myself personally, my girls,
and the small business I work for which is now owned by my ex-husband. And yes, this has
reached a level here in Cheyenne, WY where everything public has been shut down.
As of yesterday, bars, restaurants, gyms, etc. EVERYTHING nonessential is closed. I knew it
was only a matter of time before we joined the same level the rest of the country, but I still wasn't prepared mentally or emotionally. Luckily, I did get groceries last week, so we can still eat!

This news came directly on the tail of my divorce being final exactly 10 days ago. So to say,
I am a bit at a loss would be an understatement. I went from feeling a bit lost and vulnerable to
full fledged panic regarding my future. But in this fear and panic, I know I am not alone. When
thinking logically, I also know that I will be ok. God has a plan. I need to place my trust in that
plan even though I struggle wanting to know exactly where his plan is taking me.

In order to cope, I sat down and made a list of what I can control. The list was simple.
I can control....

                                1. My thoughts
                                2. My words
                                3. My actions

I cannot control this virus, how it spreads, or who gets infected. I cannot control the decisions made by the government, which might be frustrating to some Americans. I am choosing to believe they are doing their best with the information they have in order to keep US ALL SAFE. I cannot control my trip to visit family over Easter was cancelled or even that my family is super far away. 

Instead of freaking out and fretting about what I cannot control, I am going to choose to focus on
what I can. My friends, I challenge you and encourage you to do the same. If you are a believer,
put your faith in God. Use this time to pray and connect with him.

Here is my pledge. I would love to have you all join in this with me and even add to this if you
like....

1. I will keep my thoughts positive. 

Here are just a few thoughts to get started with....

This too will pass.

There is always a rainbow after a storm.

God has a plan for a better nation once we get through this.

We will never take things like toilet paper and eggs for granted.

We will always appreciate the freedom we have to move freely about the world.

Kids will appreciate being back at school.

2. I will keep my words positive.


I will post only positive encouraging words, pictures, songs, memes, etc on social media.

I will support and encourage those around me who might be struggling.

I will stay in regular contact with friends and family in an effort to keep all of our spirits lifted during this time of isolation.





3. I will focus on things I CAN DO at home and look at this time as time to catch my breath,
regroup, and spend time with my girls, and working on myself.

I look forward to all the social gatherings and celebrations on the other side of this. Until then,
stay safe my friends.

Fondly,

Ann