Letting Go of the Life You Imagined

Letting Go of the Life You Imagined

And Embracing the One You are Living.....

According to the American Psychological Association, the divorce rate in America is between 40 and 50 percent. This rate is even higher in subsequent marriages.  I don't think this is news to anyone, but it is still crazy to think that our odds in staying married are about the same as winning a coin toss. 

There are many reasons why marriages don't last, but I am not here to get into that. What I wanted to explore today is my journey in letting go of the life I imagined and worked to build for 15 years. I think this was one of the most difficult things for me to work through in being a newly divorced person. I am also not claiming to be an expert or that I am even doing it right. I also have a lot of people who went before me to thank for putting many things into perspective for me. For that, I will be forever grateful.

A divorce does not have to mean your dreams are over. It does represent a death of a relationship and the end to dreams that you had with your ex-spouse and the family you built together. This can be super hard. However, for me, as the dust settles, I am learning that this can truly be a new, wonderful beginning as well as chance to do things the way I want. Many of those things may be similar to what I set out to accomplish in my twenties, but now that I am forty I should be wiser.  Right? Maybe just maybe I can build something better. I sure hope this is true, and I put my faith in that it is, because I intend to do better this time. Much better..... I don't want to be another divorce statistic. 

A big part of this involved a shift in attitude. Which my friends is way hard.... It is way to easy to see all of the things you feel you are losing or that aren't fair. When you see your ex moving on especially with someone else, it stings. You wonder why couldn't I make him happy. What does she have that I don't? This even happens when you both know the marriage was negative, and it is better for everyone to separate your paths.

Here are some things I had to let go of.....

     1. Having my kids under my roof 100 percent of the time. 

     2. Our family of 4 camping or really doing anything else together.

     3. Our family attending sporting events or band concerts or theater performances as one unit.

     4. Building a business with my spouse.

     5. My dream of running a gym as a part of said business.

     6. Spending every holiday with my children.

     7. Control of all things kid related.

     8. Being a part of a couple.

     9. Anger and resentment.

     10. Feeling alone.

Things I am learning to embrace.....

     1. More appreciation for the time when I have my kids and making this time quality.

     2. Camping and other adventures look different, but in some ways are much better! I get to create my own adventures and memories with my girls.

     3. Enjoying all things kid related including band concerts, sporting, and theater events on my own. 

     4. Going back to my original career teaching elementary school. I can create my own security and provide for myself and the girls. That's empowering.

     5. Someday, I will still get back into coaching.... swimming or a gym, when I am ready.

     6. Even if my kids are not physically with me on holidays, I can create our own new traditions,

and I involve friends and family in new, fun ways!

     7. Loving my time to myself and not always having to be the parent in charge. It allows me to recharge and actually be a better mom. Although, I still miss my girls like crazy.

     8. Being single can be ok. Dating is also a lot of fun. The anticipation that there may also be a much better match for me, and the happiness that will come with that possibility. 

     9. Creating my own happiness and living my life on my terms.

    10. I am not alone. I have amazing friends and family.

So while my dreams may not look the same as they did even 2 years ago, I still have them. I can still build a life that resembles what I imagined 2 decades ago. Hopefully, this one will be even better because I am better. I have always worked to learn from things that didn't work out and am still doing that everyday. I still imagine a life of fulfillment and happiness, even if it now looks a bit different. I am grateful for what I have everyday and work to make an even better tomorrow.

Bless you all my friends. Thanks for your support and love. 

Take Care,

Ann