Celebrating Abby

Celebrating Abby

On April 16, 2009, when I was in labor during a snowstorm, little did I know the amazing gift this 6 lb 9 oz baby girl was going to be to me as a mom and all those around her. Yes, I had an idea, as she had an almost 2 year old big sister over the moon excited waiting for her at home. But, I really had no clue how her own unique personality would develop as she grows becoming completely her own person. She has her own opinions; likes, dislikes, strengths and weaknesses etc that make her an amazing little lady.
So today, as we celebrate her 11th birthday, I reflect on and celebrate this gift that keeps giving and surprising  me daily. Abby is wise beyond her years blessed with an old soul. At a very young age, she would keep tabs on things. I fondly remember leaving the house to go on a trip and her asking, "Did you close the garage door?" She was 5. 

Over the past several years, her father and I have watched her handle high pressure situations with ease and grace. It amazes me the pressure that she can handle. From the time she was 7, she has competed at the Wyoming State swim meet and always pushed herself to get better and improved her times earning trips to Age group Sectionals and Zones. Along the way, she has earned high point awards and set state records. She has also become a leading point scorer on the field in her age group in soccer. And most recently was offered the opportunity to take 7th grade honors math as a 6th grader. 

Abby strives to be the best at everything she does, and the amazing part is most of this motivation comes from deep within herself. What most people don't see is the hours she puts in on her own time outside of practices and the school day working to improve her skills. To me this is the most amazing thing to watch as a parent. She sets a goal and executes. 

Yes, she receives support and guidance from her dad and I as parents; she is still only 11. But, we really try to keep this to a minimum. If it were up to her, she would be in the pool or at soccer or basketball practice every single day. However, we work to limit this and keep it age appropriate. We definitely don't want her to burn out! At times, during early season swimming, she only goes to 2 practices/wk. She hates this!

Abby can often be found watching sports videos or seeking out inspirational quotes to post on the wall in her bedroom. She has also been known to ask for math workbooks for Christmas! I love how she is always working to improve herself. I am confident this little lady will go far in life due to her drive and work ethic.

This being said, I also love that she can be a bit goofy and is still very much a little girl. Her laugh is a deep belly laugh and so very contagious. You cannot help but laughing when she is around. She still builds with legoes, makes forts, and plays in the snow.

Abby has a huge heart and cares very deeply for those around her. She is a loyal friend and sister and always finds an amazing group of girlfriends to spend time with. Abby is always one of the first ones to know when I need a hug and still sits on my lap. I know this time is limited, as she keeps growing and is almost as tall as me.

While I cannot wait to see what her future holds, I really wish I could stop time sometimes and keep her from growing up. She truly has been a gift to me and many others. I cannot imagine my life without my Abster. 

Fondly,

Ann

You Can Take Control

You Can Take Control

It's Friday, March 20, 2020. I am sitting here alone at my kitchen table amidst the COVID-19
crisis trying to wrap my mind around what all this means for myself personally, my girls,
and the small business I work for which is now owned by my ex-husband. And yes, this has
reached a level here in Cheyenne, WY where everything public has been shut down.
As of yesterday, bars, restaurants, gyms, etc. EVERYTHING nonessential is closed. I knew it
was only a matter of time before we joined the same level the rest of the country, but I still wasn't prepared mentally or emotionally. Luckily, I did get groceries last week, so we can still eat!

This news came directly on the tail of my divorce being final exactly 10 days ago. So to say,
I am a bit at a loss would be an understatement. I went from feeling a bit lost and vulnerable to
full fledged panic regarding my future. But in this fear and panic, I know I am not alone. When
thinking logically, I also know that I will be ok. God has a plan. I need to place my trust in that
plan even though I struggle wanting to know exactly where his plan is taking me.

In order to cope, I sat down and made a list of what I can control. The list was simple.
I can control....

                                1. My thoughts
                                2. My words
                                3. My actions

I cannot control this virus, how it spreads, or who gets infected. I cannot control the decisions made by the government, which might be frustrating to some Americans. I am choosing to believe they are doing their best with the information they have in order to keep US ALL SAFE. I cannot control my trip to visit family over Easter was cancelled or even that my family is super far away. 

Instead of freaking out and fretting about what I cannot control, I am going to choose to focus on
what I can. My friends, I challenge you and encourage you to do the same. If you are a believer,
put your faith in God. Use this time to pray and connect with him.

Here is my pledge. I would love to have you all join in this with me and even add to this if you
like....

1. I will keep my thoughts positive. 

Here are just a few thoughts to get started with....

This too will pass.

There is always a rainbow after a storm.

God has a plan for a better nation once we get through this.

We will never take things like toilet paper and eggs for granted.

We will always appreciate the freedom we have to move freely about the world.

Kids will appreciate being back at school.

2. I will keep my words positive.


I will post only positive encouraging words, pictures, songs, memes, etc on social media.

I will support and encourage those around me who might be struggling.

I will stay in regular contact with friends and family in an effort to keep all of our spirits lifted during this time of isolation.





3. I will focus on things I CAN DO at home and look at this time as time to catch my breath,
regroup, and spend time with my girls, and working on myself.

I look forward to all the social gatherings and celebrations on the other side of this. Until then,
stay safe my friends.

Fondly,

Ann

Unraveling 15 Years: The Positive Side to Divorce

Unraveling 15 Years: The Positive Side to Divorce

Exactly 11 days ago today, I sat across from my husband of 15 years, and we signed the legal
agreement we spent 2 months working on together. This divided everything we worked hard
for as a team. It turns out that 2 people can work together as mature individuals
and make decisions to determine what is best for the team of 4 people involved in a divorce.

This decision did not just affect the 2 of us, but both of our beautiful daughters were also
going to be impacted by this process. It was up to us to decide how we wanted to handle
ourselves as parents. I am proud of how we both worked together to put their needs before anything else when making custody and financial agreements. Throughout this nine month separation, our girls continued to thrive both in school, music, and athletics. This was possible, because we worked together to keep their lives stable. We put them before ourselves, no matter how hard that was at times, because yes there were human emotions involved. Sadness, anger, anxiety, and fear are just a
few that came into the mix.

It is hard to unravel 15 years of a life once shared. But honestly, it was brewing for many years.
One day, it just became time to stop hurting one another, repeatedly. Although, it is painful to end
a very important chapter in both of our lives, it is a necessary ending, so that we can both move
forward and find happiness separately. We were not the best version of ourselves together and
this did not allow us to be the best role models for our young daughters. That is not an easy thing
to admit, and it doesn't make either one of us a "bad person". We both made mistakes, we both
worked hard and hung on to the hope that we were better as a team than separate. We did this for many years, until it became apparent that no matter how hard we tried, no matter how much we
cared for one another, it just wasn't a good fit. And you know what? That's ok.

Does it hurt? Is it hard? Of course it is. This man that sat across from me was my best friend.
He stood by me through many hard times. We built one business together and are still working
together to build another. We share 2 daughters and many memories with friends and
family. It is hard to close the door on our life together. But that doesn't mean that divorce has
to be ugly. It doesn't mean that with some time and healing we can't continue to be friends.
It doesn't mean we all the sudden hate each other.

This just means that we will move forward in our journeys not as husband and wife, but as
friends, co-parents, and now, he is my boss. This means there is a different set of rules and boundaries, but that's ok, because we stopped the cycle of hurting each other.

Although our roles in one another's lives has changed, we will still work together to build his business, and we will continue to co-parent. We will both continue to attend soccer and basketball games, swimming and cross country meets, band concerts, musicals and plays, parent teacher conferences and more. Divorce doesn't have to make 2 people enemies. If fact, it can prevent 2 people from hating one another.

Celebration

Celebration

5 Year Anniversary

Today, I celebrate. I celebrate my health. I celebrate my ability to live life to it's fullest.
I am full of gratitude for each day I wake up and greet the day, regardless of why lies ahead.
Five years ago today, I entered into a 2 hour procedure to repair my PFO and 2 ASDS at the
University of Denver Hospital. These 3 holes in my atrium wall were apparently present since
birth, and at 35 years old, I had no idea they were there until my health took a huge downward
turn. (Please,visit older posts on this blog to view my whole story if you are interested. I want this post to be one of celebration and not a review of what I went through.) This experience was a
huge turning point in my life and has shaped much of who I have become today. I am so
thankful that I went through this experience.

SISU - Finnish for Grit/Perserverance

Has everyday been easy?
Did this experience magically add rainbows and unicorns to my life? Hell no! Those who know me, know that I have had several more difficult experiences that have also contributed to framing who I am today. All of which seem to happen in January.... Life still has difficulties, but I view these challenges as opportunities to grow and become strong with each experience rather than tear me down.

But today, right now, in this moment, I am choosing to be grateful and celebrate. Because I knew my body, and I knew something was wrong. When gasping for breath on a simple brisk walk, shouldn't have been the norm. I sought answers. So, I am now here living life to it's fullest. I am in the best shape of my life, yes at 40 years old. I am preparing for my first partner Cross Fit competition on Saturday.  I am doing this as a celebration of what my body can do. At 40 years old, I am still getting stronger. I still celebrate my PRs in the gym. I am still learning new skills and continuing to refine old ones. I remain stroke free, because  I was healthy, and then I wasn't, and I listened to my body, to keep myself healthy.

Eva 12 years old and Abby 10 years old

Today, I celebrate. I celebrate I am here to see my 2 beautiful daughters grow into the amazing young women they are becoming. They are amazing little people with the kindest hearts and caring souls. Last night, I stopped in my tracks to listen to their giggles coming from the basement. This brought me to tears. It is the small moments that take my breath away. I hug them more. I hug them tighter. Watching them swim, play soccer, run, play their instruments, all bring me more joy than I could have ever understood. I look forward to all they will become and know I am lucky to have such joy in my life, and the gift of being Eva and Abby's mom.


Today, I celebrate my family. I have 2 amazing sisters that have become my best friends through choice. Despite our differences, we have become one another's glue. Sisters by birth friends by choice. Regardless, of the time day or night, I know they are there for me to cry or laugh with. They let me vent, and listen without judgement. They give me advice and the tough love I need sometimes. Although, we live far apart, through our efforts, distance has not let us drift apart. My parents are also an amazing part of my life. Always, available to listen and support me in all I do. They both sacrificed much to help raise me into a woman I hope they can be proud of today. My family is my rock.

Today, I celebrate the friendships I have made. My circle isn't big, but it is what keeps me putting one foot in front of the other through all of life's journeys and struggles. I have amazing friends near and far who support me and hold me up and celebrate victories with me, as well. My heart swells when a message from a friend appears unexpectedly. I value the connections that come from coffee dates and simply talking with a friend over a drink. My friends are my family.

So, today, I celebrate. I am so grateful for the trials life has thrown my way. Yes, it sounds corny to be thankful for the struggles. I acknowledge this, but with the struggles comes learning and growth, as well as, gratitude for all of the amazing people that have graced my life. I appreciate my 2 amazing daughters, my sisters, my parents, my friends, and my health in a way I never could have before. Time is non-refundable, and I am so glad that I was given more of it to enjoy the many gifts life have given me.

Happy Heart Fixed Day to me!

Fondly,

Ann

Farewell 2019, Thanks for the Lessons

Farewell 2019, Thanks for the Lessons
Welcome 2020

I've been struggling trying to decide how to feel about a new year, a new

decade, 2020. Part of me wants to be excited for a new beginning. The

other part of me honestly knows that it is just another date on the calendar,

and things will likely not change much. Really, you can start new any time

you decide to start. Whether it is starting a new workout program, deciding

to eat healthier, leaving a job and starting a new one, having a baby, or

leaving or starting a new marriage, if we all wait for a new year to make

changes nothing would move forward, really....

This past year was a tough one. I thought 2015 was rough going through

having 3 holes in my heart repaired. Then, I thought 2017 was rough, after

rupturing my achilles tendon. Both of these happened in January in odd

calendar years. Therefore, I fully expected January 2019 to bring another

new health challenge. In fact, I actually breathed a huge sigh of relief when

February 1 came and my health was still intact. Little did I know the

challenges that still lie ahead of me in 2019. These did not come in the form

of health issues though, so I guess I have that going for me. My challenge

came in the form of my relationship ending. My 15 year marriage came to

a screeching halt about a month before our anniversary.

Honestly, it was a long time coming, but it still felt like a shock. On that

day in May, I was not expecting it to..... just be over. Looking back, I think

I was in shock for a few months. Yes, life went on, but I definitely did not

deal with the relationship ending. I just went through the motions, kept

living life, trying to keep the pieces from falling apart. I put one foot in front

in front of the other.

I celebrated turning 40 in August. I took care of my 2 beautiful daughters,

doing my best to put their needs first. They started 5th and 7th grades this

fall and are simply amazing to watch grow. Eva tried Cross Country this fall

and loved it. Abby's U11 soccer team went undefeated with her as a strong

leader on the field. Both are in band and now have moved on to swimming

competitively. I was able to accompany Abby to Oregon where she

represented team Wyoming at the Western Zones swimming meet.

She broke a Wyoming State record in the 100 breastroke!

Throughout this journey, I have made some amazing friends who listened

when I needed to talk, gave me a shoulder when I needed to cry, partied

with me when I needed to let loose, and worked out with me when I needed

to relieve stress.

Here are some important lessons I am taking from 2019.

Separation and divorce doesn't mean you have to hate your ex. In fact,

it can allow you the space to truly appreciate that they are a wonderful

person, but just not for you.

Friends can become family. They are the family you choose.

Making your children a priority is always the right choice. When you and

your ex-spouse keep this in mind, children are resilient and can handle

more than you think. In fact, they can thrive.

It is ok to choose yourself first once and while, and in fact sometimes

absolutely necessary.

It is ok to be happy, sad, or mad. It is ok to have feelings and show them.

Learning to love yourself is an art. But it can be done.

Celebrating gratitude everyday, no matter how small, helps you get

through the roughest days.

You are worthy of the love you desire. It is out there. Don't be afraid to

look or accept it.

Some days you just have to breathe. Inhale...exhale... just get through.

You are never broken. Sometimes in the moment you may feel this way,

but you will land on your feet and become stronger from those moments.

While it would be easy to be mad and bitter about this year. I may have

wanted to slam the door on 2019 and never look back, I think some day I

will be thankful for all it had to offer. Hopefully, I will look back and see that

I am blessed to have had all of those experiences positive and negative. I

will be stronger and better than ever and will be ready to take on anything.

Look out 2020, what doesn't kill me makes me stronger, right?

Happy 2020 everyone! May it bring you many blessings!

Thanks for reading through and going on this crazy journey with me.

Fondly,

Ann

In a New York Minute

I suffered a major injury during warm up. How unexpected and embarrassing! Who does that? Leave it to me, Miss Coordinated and Graceful, to experience a major injury doing a simple movement. I was literally about 10 minutes into warm up and jumping over a pvc pipe that was no higher than my knees. I took off from 2 feet and landed on 2 feet. I didn't trip, fall, or do anything clumsy. I definitely wasn't doing anything dangerous or cool. 

When I got to CrossFit Lander, I was 100 percent healthy. In fact, I had posted several PRs the week before. But, when I landed, I knew immediately that something was not right. I felt a tear. I am also fairly certain I heard it tear as well, but it all happened so quickly. Although, I am not a medical professional, I knew in my gut my worst fear had come true. I had injured my achilles tendon. In a New York minute, everything had changed. 

I was unable to walk. In fact, my foot was dangling from my ankle. When I tried to walk, it was like my brain was not connected to my foot. I could not make it move at all. 

That is when I noticed the entire class had stopped. Everyone came to my aid. Soon, my ankle was on ice, which was actually snow from outside in a Safeway bag. I was definitely not going to be able to drive myself home with my foot of rubber. So, I called my husband to come and get me. Two of my friends from the gym teamed up to drive my van home. 

Upon arriving at home, my husband who is a chiropractor, did the Thompson test on my achilles. This showed that my foot did not move at all which is consistent with an achilles rupture. After visiting my normal PA Jim Hutchison, the next day and having an MRI a day later, it was confirmed that I had a complete achilles rupture.

This news was devastating. I had been the strongest I had ever been. I had worked very hard to prepare for the CrossFit Open and had big plans to do the Wyoming Open and Masters competitions this summer. I had just gotten my consecutive bar and ring muscle ups that month. I am a teacher who works on my feet all day long teaching 2nd graders. Most importantly, I have 2 beautiful daughters whom need a mom with working limbs to drive them to practices, make them dinner, do laundry, and all of the other glamorous tasks mothers do everyday. It seemed cruel that on January 24, 2017, just 5 days before the 2 year anniversary of having 3 holes in my heart repaired, I would now endure another life changing injury that would require surgery and a very long healing process. I felt blindsided.... this injury had no warning. It is crazy how life can change in an instant.

Full Circle

Full Circle

Everything You Want Is On The Other Side of FEAR

In early February 2016, I committed to completing the CrossFit Open after taking 2015 off. At that time, I was 1 month post closure. I participated in the 2014 Open, and it was the last workout, 14.5, where all my health issues really hit the fan. 14.5 was 21, 18, 15, 12, 9, 6, 3 thrusters (RX for women 65#) and bar facing burpees. It was not a fun WOD for ANYONE, most of all me. I finished with a good time at 16:09, but I ended up spending 3 days in the hospital with rhabdomylosis. Seventeen IVs later, I was released, but only to go home to continue to drink gallons more water over the next several days. This was definitely not the way to get the week of Spring Break off. 

On Thursday, March 24, 2016 everything came full circle. After 4 very successful Friday Open workouts, I walked into CrossFit Lander excited to watch the Open announcement with my fellow CrossFitters and finish what I started. I had worked hard and learned how to link toes to bar, and did my first ring and bar muscle ups, as a result of participating in the Open. As we all sat around, we discussed what we thought 16.5 would entail. Most of us thought thrusters would be included for sure, because we hadn't done them yet. A few of us also thought box jumps would be involved, since we usually see those during the Open every year as well. However, NONE OF US thought it would be a repeat of 14.5. We had already done bar facing burpees. In fact, I said, "If it is 14.5, I am leaving. I will not do that workout again." Several of my friends agreed with me. So, when Castro announced, "16.5 is 14.5". We were all completely silent. We all thought he was kidding. BUT, HE WASN'T!

I got really emotional. So emotional, I had to leave the gym and call my husband, Dean. I really didn't know what to do. I DID NOT want to do that workout again. But I DID want to finish what I started. How could I quit now. If I decided to do the workout, would it be a mistake? Dean talked me through it and together we decided that I should do it. So, I went in with a plan. Divide the thrusters into 3rds (for the round of 21 rest every 7) every round until the end. Step up and down every burpee. Breathe and take my time. I knew I had done workouts with thrusters and burpees and had absolutely no problems even close to what I had experienced 2 years before. Mentally, this was going to be a challenge. 

My judge that night, Jason, Dean and other friends who had gathered round were all fully aware of the situation. They were all supportive and really helped me through that workout. At several points, I was near tears. It was such an emotional experience. 

I stuck to my plan until the round of 9. At 9, I broke the thrusters in half and at 6 and 3 did them straight through. When I finished, I looked at the clock and couldn't believe my eyes 14:20. I had beat my time from 2 years ago by almost 2 minutes. I felt my approach had been so much more conservative, but it paid off! I also think my much improved form on both movements may have helped as well. 


Looking back, I am so happy that I decided to do the workout. I was not very sore in the days that followed. Most of all, I had conquered a huge demon. 

As I move forward, I am hoping to continue to overcome in other events. I will do Xterra Lory Triathlon in June. I had to drop that race in 2014. I will also do the Dakota 5-0 in September, which I have not been able to return to since 2013. I am so thankful to have my health back!