Moving On

It has been one year and one month to the day since my PFO and double ASD closure. Coincidentally, today is leap day an amazing gift of extra time. I am so thankful to be where I am now both physically and mentally. It is difficult to put into words how much my quality of life has improved in every aspect. I have more energy for absolutely everything including my family, students, friends, and recreation. I have grown and changed so much this year. One year ago, I would not have thought that I would say this, but going through this health challenge has been one of the most amazing, growing experiences of my life.

At the beginning of February, I went to Denver with my entire family in tow. Dean and I both took a couple days off work and made the trip a family vacation. What a different experience it was in comparison to last year. It was so amazing to be able to take my girls and enjoy our time. Due to inclement weather, we had to change our travel plans and travel earlier than planned, but we made the best of it. It was so much fun to be able to go to the malls and shop without getting winded! I even dropped into a CrossFit class the night before my appointment and did a WOD just because I could! 

Even though, I had been feeling amazing, I am not going to lie, I was NERVOUS for my appointment. I definitely think there is a certain amount of PTSD that has come along with this experience. I still feel  this with each milestone. 

One month after my procedure, I was given clearance  to begin training again. Regardless of what the cardiologist told me, I was still scared. My first CrossFit WODs with burpees, thrusters, or pushups were terrifying. I scaled my workouts in order to be safe. Lifting heavy petrified me. Mental pictures of my devices popping out of my heart crossed my mind constantly. I was told that this was impossible, but it was hard for me to trust something I couldn't see for myself. I was constantly waiting for extreme muscle soreness and swollen arms. Building up my running, swimming, and biking, I worried. Each time I get palpitations, don't sleep well, or get a little sore there is a small voice in my head that goes there. It says, "What if?" 

In Denver, we talked with my cardiologist, Dr. Caroll, after my echocardiogram. We learned that everything looks great! There are only 3 bubbles passing through the devices when I am at rest. With valsalva, there are approximately 10. This is amazing considering I had a curtain effect of bubbles at rest 1 year ago. (There were so many bubbles within a couple seconds that you couldn't even see my heart!) Basically, this means that my blood is now circulating through my lungs to get oxygen before going to the rest of my body. Dr. Carroll thinks I was very hypoxic which led to my health problems before closure. 

My first 100 mile bike ride, my first sprint triathlon, and CrossFit Open workout 16.1 all forced me outside my comfort zone testing boundaries. With each new milestone, I meet head on my confidence grows. So far, my body has passed every test with flying colors. This has strengthened my mental game. What doesn't kill you truly does make you stronger. I cannot wait to see what the rest of this year holds. 

Experiences VS. Material Things

Experiences VS. Material Things

Wow! It has been a long time since I have written. I have been busy experiencing life. In fact, this Christmas, Dean and I decided to make a big change and consciously focus on experiences rather than material things. We wanted to truly BE PRESENT with our girls during the holiday season. For years, it has driven me crazy that Christmas starts before Halloween is even over. Can we just enjoy one holiday at a time?

 We decided that our family would put less emphasis on things and put more time and energy into experiences and the true meaning of Christmas. Thanksgiving weekend, we informed our families that we would not be purchasing much for Christmas and that we really didn't want any material items for Christmas either. Our plan was to to spend time doing activities as a family instead.

This really forced us to think outside the box, which was a wonderful experience. We spent Christmas Eve ice skating and baking cookies with the girls. We almost didn't have time to open the presents under our tree. 

On Christmas Day after Mass, we packed up our minivan and drove to Pinedale and spent the weekend teaching the girls to downhill ski. Well, Dean taught them, while I worked on staying upright on my snowboard. We had a blast! 

Honestly, I have to say that this was probably the best Christmas I can remember. Although, it probably wouldn't have taken much to beat last Christmas, since I spent almost all day in bed with a kidney infection my brain flooded with thoughts of a looming heart procedure.

The girls received minimal gifts from us and Santa all of which revolved around the theme of things to do..... ski helmets, ice skates, ski mittens and socks, and books. Our family also did an amazing job of sticking to the theme. Board games, crafts, and money to put towards experiences were all very thoughtful. 

We were also extremely creative in making many of the gifts we sent to family. The girls made necklaces for their teachers while I crocheted up a storm. I also put our pictures from the past year into a calendar for the girls grandparents. Making gifts takes time. This means that some gifts will be late, but I am learning that this is okay as well. It has been a wonderful experience teaching the girls to make things.

What did we learn from this experience? 



Christmas does not come out of a box. It comes from within. It isn't about having Christmas cards or presents packaged and mailed on time. It is about giving from the heart with great thoughtfulness and spending time with the people you love. I personally really enjoyed this Christmas, because I wasn't stressed out about buying things to fulfill some obligation. I had time to enjoy my girls while they are young. I am not sure how many more years they will continue to believe in Santa or our Elf on a Shelf, Holly. I needed to cherish every moment this year and that is exactly what I did. If the Christmas season makes you frantic, like it did me, I highly recommend making a change. Maybe make a BIG change. It was totally worth it to discover the true spirit of Christmas. You only get one life, experience it before it passes you by. 

Happy Holidays to all. May the New Year bless you with many happy experiences that make incredible memories. I am looking forward to 2016!

You Are Responsible for You

    You Are Responsible For You

Tough pill to swallow, I know. This is a lesson I strive to teach my 2nd graders and my own 6 and 8 year old daughters, yet, I know many adults who still haven't accepted this reality. Heck, it took me over 30 years to really accept what this truly means. 

In a nutshell, it means; my struggles and my problems are no one else's fault, nor are my insecurities or mistakes. I am responsible for my own decisions and happiness. Once I embraced these truths, I was able to really grow up and make changes in my life that have completely transformed me. For the first time in a long time, I am truly happy.

If a child makes a bad choice, a consequence follows. It is not the teacher's fault or the parent's fault, nor is it another's child's fault. It is not ok to hit someone just because they hit you first. A bad choice also does not make the child a bad child. They simply made a mistake. However, children must be taught to accept that they are responsible for the choice they made and what they can do differently the next time. That is up to us as the adults in their lives to teach them. It is also up to us to be the role models and take responsibility for our own mistakes. 

We ALL make mistakes. We MUST make mistakes in order to learn. In fact, looking back, the biggest lessons I have learned have come from mistakes I have made. Working on weaknesses makes me a better athlete, parent, teacher, spouse, and person. If I only do what I am good at, I cannot grow. This means leaving my comfort zone. 

I recently read the book, Mindset: The New Psychology of Success by Carol Dweck. It talks about fixed mindset versus growth mindset. I highly recommend reading this book if you haven't. It really opened my eyes and how I view at the world, especially in teaching young children. 

According to Dweck, people with a fixed mindset truly believe that they do not have the power to change their own reality. They are either athletic or not, smart or not, artistic or not....etc. Those with a growth mindset believe that they can make changes to improve their situation. 

Imagine a life where you truly believe you are stuck; nothing you do changes a thing. If you are not smart, athletic or artistic, why bother? Trying would just mean failure and you don't want to fail. Imagine you are smart, athletic, or artistic, but you believe you did nothing to get yourself there. Still you would be afraid to try, because you have no idea how you got where you are.....This is no way to live in my opinion. It means you believe you have no control over your life.

That brings me back to my original point. You are responsible for you. You have the power to make decisions everyday which influence who you are and what you will become. 

If you are insecure, it is because you choose to look at others accomplishments as a threat. Instead, try looking at this accomplishment as an opportunity to grow. If someone has something you want, or has accomplished something you want to accomplish, write down the goal and figure out a plan to get there. Use this as motivation. Also, remember that this person likely worked hard to gain that accomplishment. It may take you time and hard work to get there too, but you can do it. Believe in your ability to change your mind set and grow.

Each morning, I decide to look for the positives in that day. In fact, my sister, Ellie, and I text each other 3 gratitudes everyday. We have found that this accountability helps us to frame our day in a positive, growth mindset everyday. Happiness is a decision EVERYDAY.

You can choose to surround yourself with people who help you grow to reach your goals and become the person you wish to be, or people who sabotage those goals. This includes yourself. Choose not to sabotage yourself. 

Over the last few years, I surrounded myself with the most supportive women who have helped me to grow in so many ways. They have also held me accountable to be true to myself. They don't let me make excuses and believe in me even when I don't. Create your own support network.

I choose happiness. I choose to learn from my mistakes. I choose to work hard to reach my goals. I take responsiblity for my decisions. I believe this has helped me to actually be happier than ever.

Riverside Sprint Triathlon

Riverside Sprint Triathlon
June 20, 2015

This post is late....really late.  Give me a break, I am teacher on summer break! While this was definitely not an Ironman completed in 104 degree temperatures, and I most definitely did not qualify for any national titles, for me this race was a big milestone. It may have been one of the bigger races I have ever been in. 


I have not raced in a triathon since 2013 due to several health issues, including a heart procedure in January, so the Riverside Sprint Triathlon was my first triathlon in about 2 years. 

My original plan was to wait for the Lander Sprint Triathlon in August and put in some better training especially in the pool and running. Since the girls and I were going to visit their grandma in Casper, and the triathlon happened to be going on that weekend, I figured what the heck, might as well shake the rust off.

I arrived at Edness Kimball Wilkins State Park bright and early on Saturday, June 20. Very early.....way to early. In fact, they were not even set up to check in athletes yet. This may have had to do with the fact that I was just a little nervous..... I was the very first athlete to arrive, so I got the pick of the transition area spots. I set up my transition area, and waited for the other athletes to arrive. Waited and waited and waited.... Good thing I brought a good book and had plenty of room in the back of the mini-van to lay down. I could have slept in another hour! About 45 minutes later, other athletes started to arrive. 

I was shocked that I remembered how to set up a transition area!

Finally, it was time for me to warm up. First, I rode my bike and made sure everything was functioning correctly. Next, I did some running. After about a half mile, I started to feel my calf tighten up. This was an old injury that hadn't reared it's head in 2 years! I stopped to stretch and tried to work it out the best I could. "Great," I thought, "Now, I have something else to worry about besides my heart." Maybe this was a blessing... I went on to get ready for the swim hoping for the best from my calf when it came time to run in the race. 

During the prerace meeting, my girls showed up with grandma Brenda. I was so happy to see my cheering section in place. Win or lose, cramped calf and all I just wanted to finish this to show my girls I could do it. 

So, I wiggled into my wet suit. I was VERY thankful it still fit. I went down to the water to check it out and swim a few strokes. A few minutes later, we were off.

It felt amazing to be gliding along in the open water of the very small lake. After the start, I really didn't see anyone again until I exited the water and began to run towards the transition area. The run was more of a hobble than anything, as I felt my calf tighten up. "Wonderful!" I thought and kept going.

As I passed through transition, I realized and older man who had exited the water behind me was chatting with me. He said, "Jeez, I couldn't even hold on to your feet!  You are fast!" 

I just kept moving, but was thinking to myself, this guy is going to crush me on the bike. He just had that look about him. You know the lean, mean, older man cycling look. 

Sure enough, he passed me in the first 10 feet leaving transition. I didn't expect to see him again the rest of the day. I was wrong. I felt great on the bike and flew by him on the next up hill. We played cat and mouse then entire rest of the 11.5 miles of the cycling leg. I even dropped my chain at one point and he came buy me after I put it back on successfully and complimented me on my bike mechanic skills. I guess it pays in more ways that one to mountain bike......

I was able to get in and out of the second transition right in front of him. I was off on the run. The entire time, I was just praying that my calf wouldn't cramp so bad that I had to walk. Within the first  mile, I felt it tighten quite a bit. I started to walk. Then, I thought, "No way, there is no way I am going to walk." I started to run again.

I was lucky enough to be able to stick to a respectable pace and not have to walk again due to my calf cramping. I have no idea what the pace was as my watch was not on the right setting, and there were no chip timers. Maybe this too was a blessing....

As I crossed the finish line, I was welcomed by 3 smiling faces. My time was 1:07:09 over 2 minutes ahead of the next athlete. I was very excited, as my heart handled the challenge with absolutely no problems. I knew at that moment I was back. 

Eva and Abby sharing my race medal.

After the race, I went swimming in the lake with my favorite swimming partners, Eva and Abby. What a wonderful experience, I can hardly wait for them to do their first triathlon someday!

What a Difference a Year Makes 

As a teacher, I have been trained to reflect on each lesson I teach. This helps me to improve upon my teaching methods to increase student learning. I feel lucky as a teacher, because we get to have 2 New Years in the same calendar year; January 1 and at the completion of the school year. Both are a time of great reflection. 

This spring as I review over the past year, I cannot help but be amazed at all that I have experienced and learned. I have become stronger both physically and mentally, more patient with myself and those around me, and grateful for all life has to offer. I have been tested in health, marriage, career, and motherhood over the past 2 years. For this, I am so thankful, because each challenge is helping to shape me into what I believe is a much better person.

My most recent learning experiences have stemmed from taking chances and facing fears. First, in late February, I made the decision that I was going to apply for a teaching position in the Lander school district. This is where my children go to school, and I want to be able to be a part of and give back to the children in the community in which I live. This was a tough decision, as I would have to put my resume and application into a large, competitive pool. It also meant the possibility of leaving wonderful staff and students at my current school, not to mention the hard work collegues and I have put into our GVC (guaranteed viable curriculum) and CFAs (common formative assessments) for both math and language arts. It also involves leaving my comfort zone as starting any new job requires. But you never know unless you try, right? So, I went forward with the process. 

At the end of March, I was given an opportunity interview! Those of you who have interviewed know this is also a scary process. In early April, after the interview, I was put into the pool of teaching candidates who could be called upon if and when new positions open. 

Long story short, on my last day of school near the end of May, things fell into place, and I was offered a 2nd grade position. Thus, began the process of saying goodbye to one district and looking forward to many new changes in the fall. As I will not only be in a new district, but also a new grade level. Another lesson in patience and believing there is a plan for me. 

During this spring, I also continued to build my confidence and challenge myself appropriately in athletics to conquer many mental demons in recovering from my heart procedure. Due to my experiences with rhabdo last spring and then learning my heart had 3 holes (patched January 29, 2015), I have had huge mental hills to climb in relation to training and competition. In my opinion, the mental recovery has been much more challenging to me than the actual physical recovery has been. I am very excited to report that I have now accomplished the following......

                         1. Completed full "Murph" with a partner in 37:34                                with minimal soreness. Thank you Lindy for                                      helping me face this one head on!
                             (We both ran the first mile and last mile and alternated the 20 rounds of                                                        5 pushups, 5 pullups, 5 pushups, and 15 air squats.)
                          2. 50 burpees for time in 2:30.
                          3. Ran 6 miles @ 8:13 pace with Zone 1-2                                             perceived effort.
                          4. Overhead Squat 2 reps @ 95#
                          5. Split Jerk 2 reps @ 115#
                          6. Biked 67 miles then 2 weeks later.....
                          7. Biked 100 miles as part of Little Red Riding                                       Hood.

This last feat was an emotional journey which I will blog about in another post.

Reflection is good. Personal growth is better. Personal growth as a result of careful reflection is the best. If there were no challenges in our lives, we would never discover the amazing person within ourselves and how strong we can truly be. A little bit of patience and the passing of time can go a long way. What a difference a year makes.

Why I CrossFit

Why I CrossFit

I was a college swimmer for 4 years and ran cross country for 1. In high school, I ran track and swam, and was also a gymnast. My transition into triathlon post college seemed like an obvious fit. Now, I also mountain bike, trail run, nordic ski, snowboard, and yes, I CrossFit. 

A few years ago, I became an NSCA-Certified Personal Trainer while I took a break from classroom teaching to stay at home with my daughters. I started the Lander Triathlon Club and coached spin, swim, and running classes in addition to personal training. I am married to a Doctor of Chiropractor. We both CrossFit. (Although, he is more into the Olympic lifting aspect now.) 

I will admit that I was skeptical of CrossFit. I had heard all the stories about injury and all the reasons CrossFit was bad. So I stayed away. 

As I was working with my clients and on my own training, there were a couple of coaches working on setting up a CrossFit "box" in our little town. Of course, I took notice and watched from afar.

Then, my friends started to join this "box". Still, I remained skeptical. I was still not convinced CrossFit was a good idea let alone something I would ever do. Of course, I hadn't tried it. I continued to hear all about how wonderful CrossFit was over and over again from my friends. They raved about the coaching at our local "box". Finally, I became curious enough and I caved. Yes, I

drank the koolaid. Now, I am addicted. 

Every evening, I wait for the WOD to be posted. Then, I have an internal conflict within myself about whether I should go the following day or not. Sometimes, this conflict is because the WOD looks like so much fun, but I feel like I need to get on my bike, go for a run, or hit the pool instead. Still other times, I really want to go, but double unders, burpees, or some other dreaded movements are on the agenda. 

What I found out when I finally took the plunge and went is that despite the naysayers, CrossFit is AWESOME. We are lucky to have some very knowledgeable and supportive coaches at our "box". I have learned a lot from them despite having held my own coaching and personal training certifications. They always hold us accountable to correct movement standards. They also program movements that both challenge us while keeping up with the newest research. We do not do crunches. In fact, last week we did "Russian Annie." Their version of Annie which replaces crunches with KB swings. 

Here is my list of reasons why I continue to CrossFit and couldn't wait to go back despite having had 3 holes in my heart repaired just over 3 months ago.

1. So I get to see my friends and make new ones on a regular basis. 

2.  So that my daughters see that women can be strong and beautiful.

3. So that I can show my daughters how to work hard to acheive a goal.

4. So I can do an ungodly amount of pullups whether they be strict or kipping. By the way, I do both. 

5. So I can change my shoes from running to Oly and back to running all in one workout.

6. So I can say I clean....

7. So I have a competitive outlet for my stress any day of the week.

8. So I can "play" after a tough day in the classroom. 

9. So I can tie myself in knots while doing double unders or quick karaoke.

10. So I continually challenge myself on a daily basis whether it be with a new movement or workout I have never done.

11. So I can win, lose, or fall flat on my face with grace and dignity.

12. So I encourage others to be their best.

13. So that I am continually challenged.

14. So I learn to push my own limits when appropriate and back off when needed.

15. So that I am held accountable to have my chest hit the floor on every single push up and my elbows locked out at the top of each snatch.

16. So my jeans are too tight in the quads and butt and gap at the waist.

17. So I am stronger and faster when I do bike, run, and swim.

18. So I have more confidence in everything I do.

19. So I can compete against myself and the clock.

20. So I can post pictures all over Facebook.

21. So I don't have to count calories.

22. So my husband doesn't have to call his guy friends to help him move heavy furniture.

23. So I can feel good wearing a bikini at the age of 35 and hopefully 45 and 55. 

24. So I can hear 3, 2, 1.... in my sleep.

25. So someone else can coach me through a workout. 

26. Because I feel present and alive during each workout!

The Winding Path That Is Life

The Winding Path That Is Life

In 2 days, I will be celebrating the 3 month anniversary of the procedure placing two devices over 3 holes in my atrium wall. I have 3 Plavix left to take. It is also 18.5 days until the last day of school. But, I am not counting..... 

Man, the past few years have been a bumpy ride! Overall, this procedure ranks in the top 5 of my most life changing experiences. Getting married, moving to Lander from Minnesota, and the birth of both my daughters make the list. However, this has been different, as it was not a choice. My other experiences were the result of choices I made with careful thought. I definitely did not chose to have these health problems.      

                                                                                                                                        

I am thrilled to report that things are currently going well. This has not come without extreme frustration and setbacks. However, those have become less and less common as my old levels of fitness and confidence begin to return. The first few workouts I did in the months post-recovery were filled with self-doubt, and face it, I was out of shape. There were times, I wondered why I was even trying to compete again. I almost gave up and quit having athletic goals altogether.

At my 1 month appointment, I was told to proceed with no limitations, but my mind and body had other ideas. It was extremely hard to separate being out of shape with heart complications. It takes 2 weeks to lose fitness and 12 to rebuild. I had completely forgotten what it feels like to be out of shape and starting over from scratch. It had been 5 years, since I had to whip myself into shape. I also struggled with being terrified every time my heart beat fast, which happens more often when you are out of shape. There were several workouts where I reached the point where I needed to dig in or back off. I chose to back off due to extreme lack of self confidence. I am having to learn to trust that my heart will not fail me. Trust is not an easy thing to earn back.

As an athlete, I never once questioned my heart or lungs. Those organs were always my strength and on my side, until now. I have been failed by my arms, legs, back, ankles, feet, etc. more than once in my training or races, but never by the vital body parts that keep me alive. My entire approach to training and working out has changed.                                                                                                                   Now, I have no plan. I listen to my body period. If I am not feeling it, I back off. It might even mean an extra day off. If I am on though, you better look out!                                                                                         Over the past 2 months, I have had terrible workouts. I have been laying on the ground when they are finished, because I pushed too hard at the beginning thinking I could do something I used to do only to die by the end. Working through the soreness of getting back in shape, was also no treat. Especially since, everytime I get very sore, the PTSD from rhabdo kicks in. This fear was enough to help me make really good decisions including which workouts I chose to participate and also at what level. I lifted much lighter weights and scaled many more workouts than ever. In addition to this, I also spent a lot of time running slow, up to 1 min/mile slower than I have in a long time.

Recently, I have had some amazing results both physically and mentally. Those workouts are what keep me coming back. In the end, I had to decide that I am going to keep track of new PRs. I am not going to compare myself to the pre-procedure Ann. Maybe someday, I will be able to compete at the same level as before. Maybe I will be better..... in the meantime, I am just going to keep moving forward and remain thankful for each day I have to spend with my family. The key is remembering that the road to success is not a never a straight line. Progress takes patience.          

New Post-Procedure PR's

Road Biked 43 miles

Ran 4 miles @ 8:23 pace

(with the girls on bikes)

Mountain Biked 10 miles

"Helen"- 9:22 

(actually the 1st time I ever did it)

"Nancy"- 13:53

(actually the 1st time I ever did it)

600 M Run- 1:53

Push Press - 95# 1RM