Do we experience setbacks until we stop repeating the same patterns of behavior? It seems to me personally that challenges keep being thrown my way in different forms but with the exact same intended lesson outcomes. This has led me to do a lot of thinking and quite honestly a lot of overthinking about why? Why does it seem that every year or couple of years I am thrown a curveball? What is God trying to teach me in all of this, and more importantly, why I am not listening, learning, and making changes?
I started to think about my lessons while I was reading the book, "The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry" by John Mark Comer. I had first heard about this particular book in a sermon series put together by my pastor at Element Church. I then discussed this idea with multiple Christian friends including my sister and a man I began dating. We decided to read this book together. He even had it sent to me in the mail unbeknownst to me. What a guy! This one may be a keeper. Needless to say, reading this book may have been life changing. I guess we'll see if I continue to experience setbacks that lead me back full circle. Yet to be determined at this time, but I sure hope not. I am ready to lead a life of peace.
In my life, the curveballs and cycle of lessons started in 2015. I am defining curveballs as big life events thrown my way that were completely unexpected, very unplanned, and definitely not pleasant experiences overall. My diagnosis of a PFO and 2 ASDs tend to have led the charge. This was followed by a ruptured achilles tendon requiring surgery in 2017, a move due to unexpected career hiccups in 2018, separation in 2019, a divorce in 2020, finding and losing love and the COVID-19 shutdown and quarantine in 2020. So far, nothing has been added to this list in 2021. Fingers crossed......
Upon much reflection, I believe all of these challenges were put on my path to teach me some very important lessons. While I still cannot tell you why I was not listening and learning, I believe these main lessons all revolve around hurry. Perhaps I wasn't ready, maybe the timing wasn't right...... hopefully, the lessons have sunk in and the cycle will cease to keep repeating.
Apparently, I am uncomfortable with idle time. Therefore, I pack my schedule full to avoid the discomfort of being bored..... If I have more time, I schedule something, anything; coffee with a friend, a random trip to Target, anything, so I don't relax. According to Comer, this is the problem for many of us. His advice, "You must ruthlessly eliminate hurry from your life." pg 19.
Hurry is in direct opposition to spiritual life, Comer explains. This includes patience and love. We harm the ones we love when we are in a hurry, because we lose patience when we hurry. This comes out in harsh tones, words, and actions. Hurry comes with a life that is too busy. Jam packed schedules lead to hurry..... Oh wow!
Unfortunately, American culture thrives on busyness and hurry. It is a badge of honor to be busy. In fact, many people answer the question, "How are you?" with "Busy!" Recharging and self-care are not prioritized yet mental health issues are on the rise. Everyone wishes they had more time, yet that's not the answer. Because guess what? We just fill more time with more obligations and plans. So how is this related to my lessons?
What do all of the events I outlined above have in common? They all FORCED ME TO SLOW DOWN. Mostly importantly, they all led me back to my Christian faith. I am not in control anymore. And yes, losing control was one of the most scary things for me. Once I learned to turn control over to God, I experienced so much faith.
These life events in turn helped me to analyze, identify, and only be involved in the most important aspects of life. That's all I had time for and all I could handle in the midst of crisis. In this slowing down and reprioritizing, I quickly realized how much I had to be grateful for when I was leading a more simple life. Guess what I was also happier as a result!
The problem for me was once the crisis was over, I went right back to filling my schedule with busyness. This then led to hurry, leading to impatience, and anxiety. Hence, reinstate vicious cycle once again. All of this affected my quality of life as well as how I interacted with those I love especially my children and others closest to me..... patience went down the drain and well.... I would go right back to status quo apparently not learning the lessons God intended. Therefore, I was challenged with more events that forced me to stop in my tracks once again.......
So now, it is 2021, I have identified my problem: busyness that leads to hurry. I know the solution: continue to focus and prioritize my spiritual journey, slowing simplicity, solitude, and silence (see Comer's book for more explanation of these). When I actively pay attention to mindful practice of these ideas as well as practicing daily gratitude, I believe I successfully avoid busyness and hurry. I am truly at peace and more happy with my life. Although, I don't think life will be smooth sailing from now on, I do hope that any challenges thrown my way are to teach me some other lesson. Or maybe I have earned a small break from life's challenges.......
