Full Circle

Full Circle

Everything You Want Is On The Other Side of FEAR

In early February 2016, I committed to completing the CrossFit Open after taking 2015 off. At that time, I was 1 month post closure. I participated in the 2014 Open, and it was the last workout, 14.5, where all my health issues really hit the fan. 14.5 was 21, 18, 15, 12, 9, 6, 3 thrusters (RX for women 65#) and bar facing burpees. It was not a fun WOD for ANYONE, most of all me. I finished with a good time at 16:09, but I ended up spending 3 days in the hospital with rhabdomylosis. Seventeen IVs later, I was released, but only to go home to continue to drink gallons more water over the next several days. This was definitely not the way to get the week of Spring Break off. 

On Thursday, March 24, 2016 everything came full circle. After 4 very successful Friday Open workouts, I walked into CrossFit Lander excited to watch the Open announcement with my fellow CrossFitters and finish what I started. I had worked hard and learned how to link toes to bar, and did my first ring and bar muscle ups, as a result of participating in the Open. As we all sat around, we discussed what we thought 16.5 would entail. Most of us thought thrusters would be included for sure, because we hadn't done them yet. A few of us also thought box jumps would be involved, since we usually see those during the Open every year as well. However, NONE OF US thought it would be a repeat of 14.5. We had already done bar facing burpees. In fact, I said, "If it is 14.5, I am leaving. I will not do that workout again." Several of my friends agreed with me. So, when Castro announced, "16.5 is 14.5". We were all completely silent. We all thought he was kidding. BUT, HE WASN'T!

I got really emotional. So emotional, I had to leave the gym and call my husband, Dean. I really didn't know what to do. I DID NOT want to do that workout again. But I DID want to finish what I started. How could I quit now. If I decided to do the workout, would it be a mistake? Dean talked me through it and together we decided that I should do it. So, I went in with a plan. Divide the thrusters into 3rds (for the round of 21 rest every 7) every round until the end. Step up and down every burpee. Breathe and take my time. I knew I had done workouts with thrusters and burpees and had absolutely no problems even close to what I had experienced 2 years before. Mentally, this was going to be a challenge. 

My judge that night, Jason, Dean and other friends who had gathered round were all fully aware of the situation. They were all supportive and really helped me through that workout. At several points, I was near tears. It was such an emotional experience. 

I stuck to my plan until the round of 9. At 9, I broke the thrusters in half and at 6 and 3 did them straight through. When I finished, I looked at the clock and couldn't believe my eyes 14:20. I had beat my time from 2 years ago by almost 2 minutes. I felt my approach had been so much more conservative, but it paid off! I also think my much improved form on both movements may have helped as well. 


Looking back, I am so happy that I decided to do the workout. I was not very sore in the days that followed. Most of all, I had conquered a huge demon. 

As I move forward, I am hoping to continue to overcome in other events. I will do Xterra Lory Triathlon in June. I had to drop that race in 2014. I will also do the Dakota 5-0 in September, which I have not been able to return to since 2013. I am so thankful to have my health back!

Moving On

It has been one year and one month to the day since my PFO and double ASD closure. Coincidentally, today is leap day an amazing gift of extra time. I am so thankful to be where I am now both physically and mentally. It is difficult to put into words how much my quality of life has improved in every aspect. I have more energy for absolutely everything including my family, students, friends, and recreation. I have grown and changed so much this year. One year ago, I would not have thought that I would say this, but going through this health challenge has been one of the most amazing, growing experiences of my life.

At the beginning of February, I went to Denver with my entire family in tow. Dean and I both took a couple days off work and made the trip a family vacation. What a different experience it was in comparison to last year. It was so amazing to be able to take my girls and enjoy our time. Due to inclement weather, we had to change our travel plans and travel earlier than planned, but we made the best of it. It was so much fun to be able to go to the malls and shop without getting winded! I even dropped into a CrossFit class the night before my appointment and did a WOD just because I could! 

Even though, I had been feeling amazing, I am not going to lie, I was NERVOUS for my appointment. I definitely think there is a certain amount of PTSD that has come along with this experience. I still feel  this with each milestone. 

One month after my procedure, I was given clearance  to begin training again. Regardless of what the cardiologist told me, I was still scared. My first CrossFit WODs with burpees, thrusters, or pushups were terrifying. I scaled my workouts in order to be safe. Lifting heavy petrified me. Mental pictures of my devices popping out of my heart crossed my mind constantly. I was told that this was impossible, but it was hard for me to trust something I couldn't see for myself. I was constantly waiting for extreme muscle soreness and swollen arms. Building up my running, swimming, and biking, I worried. Each time I get palpitations, don't sleep well, or get a little sore there is a small voice in my head that goes there. It says, "What if?" 

In Denver, we talked with my cardiologist, Dr. Caroll, after my echocardiogram. We learned that everything looks great! There are only 3 bubbles passing through the devices when I am at rest. With valsalva, there are approximately 10. This is amazing considering I had a curtain effect of bubbles at rest 1 year ago. (There were so many bubbles within a couple seconds that you couldn't even see my heart!) Basically, this means that my blood is now circulating through my lungs to get oxygen before going to the rest of my body. Dr. Carroll thinks I was very hypoxic which led to my health problems before closure. 

My first 100 mile bike ride, my first sprint triathlon, and CrossFit Open workout 16.1 all forced me outside my comfort zone testing boundaries. With each new milestone, I meet head on my confidence grows. So far, my body has passed every test with flying colors. This has strengthened my mental game. What doesn't kill you truly does make you stronger. I cannot wait to see what the rest of this year holds.