You Are Responsible For You
Tough pill to swallow, I know. This is a lesson I strive to teach my 2nd graders and my own 6 and 8 year old daughters, yet, I know many adults who still haven't accepted this reality. Heck, it took me over 30 years to really accept what this truly means.
In a nutshell, it means; my struggles and my problems are no one else's fault, nor are my insecurities or mistakes. I am responsible for my own decisions and happiness. Once I embraced these truths, I was able to really grow up and make changes in my life that have completely transformed me. For the first time in a long time, I am truly happy.
If a child makes a bad choice, a consequence follows. It is not the teacher's fault or the parent's fault, nor is it another's child's fault. It is not ok to hit someone just because they hit you first. A bad choice also does not make the child a bad child. They simply made a mistake. However, children must be taught to accept that they are responsible for the choice they made and what they can do differently the next time. That is up to us as the adults in their lives to teach them. It is also up to us to be the role models and take responsibility for our own mistakes.
We ALL make mistakes. We MUST make mistakes in order to learn. In fact, looking back, the biggest lessons I have learned have come from mistakes I have made. Working on weaknesses makes me a better athlete, parent, teacher, spouse, and person. If I only do what I am good at, I cannot grow. This means leaving my comfort zone.
I recently read the book, Mindset: The New Psychology of Success by Carol Dweck. It talks about fixed mindset versus growth mindset. I highly recommend reading this book if you haven't. It really opened my eyes and how I view at the world, especially in teaching young children.
According to Dweck, people with a fixed mindset truly believe that they do not have the power to change their own reality. They are either athletic or not, smart or not, artistic or not....etc. Those with a growth mindset believe that they can make changes to improve their situation.
Imagine a life where you truly believe you are stuck; nothing you do changes a thing. If you are not smart, athletic or artistic, why bother? Trying would just mean failure and you don't want to fail. Imagine you are smart, athletic, or artistic, but you believe you did nothing to get yourself there. Still you would be afraid to try, because you have no idea how you got where you are.....This is no way to live in my opinion. It means you believe you have no control over your life.
That brings me back to my original point. You are responsible for you. You have the power to make decisions everyday which influence who you are and what you will become.
If you are insecure, it is because you choose to look at others accomplishments as a threat. Instead, try looking at this accomplishment as an opportunity to grow. If someone has something you want, or has accomplished something you want to accomplish, write down the goal and figure out a plan to get there. Use this as motivation. Also, remember that this person likely worked hard to gain that accomplishment. It may take you time and hard work to get there too, but you can do it. Believe in your ability to change your mind set and grow.
Each morning, I decide to look for the positives in that day. In fact, my sister, Ellie, and I text each other 3 gratitudes everyday. We have found that this accountability helps us to frame our day in a positive, growth mindset everyday. Happiness is a decision EVERYDAY.
You can choose to surround yourself with people who help you grow to reach your goals and become the person you wish to be, or people who sabotage those goals. This includes yourself. Choose not to sabotage yourself.
Over the last few years, I surrounded myself with the most supportive women who have helped me to grow in so many ways. They have also held me accountable to be true to myself. They don't let me make excuses and believe in me even when I don't. Create your own support network.
I choose happiness. I choose to learn from my mistakes. I choose to work hard to reach my goals. I take responsiblity for my decisions. I believe this has helped me to actually be happier than ever.
