Experiences VS. Material Things

Experiences VS. Material Things

Wow! It has been a long time since I have written. I have been busy experiencing life. In fact, this Christmas, Dean and I decided to make a big change and consciously focus on experiences rather than material things. We wanted to truly BE PRESENT with our girls during the holiday season. For years, it has driven me crazy that Christmas starts before Halloween is even over. Can we just enjoy one holiday at a time?

 We decided that our family would put less emphasis on things and put more time and energy into experiences and the true meaning of Christmas. Thanksgiving weekend, we informed our families that we would not be purchasing much for Christmas and that we really didn't want any material items for Christmas either. Our plan was to to spend time doing activities as a family instead.

This really forced us to think outside the box, which was a wonderful experience. We spent Christmas Eve ice skating and baking cookies with the girls. We almost didn't have time to open the presents under our tree. 

On Christmas Day after Mass, we packed up our minivan and drove to Pinedale and spent the weekend teaching the girls to downhill ski. Well, Dean taught them, while I worked on staying upright on my snowboard. We had a blast! 

Honestly, I have to say that this was probably the best Christmas I can remember. Although, it probably wouldn't have taken much to beat last Christmas, since I spent almost all day in bed with a kidney infection my brain flooded with thoughts of a looming heart procedure.

The girls received minimal gifts from us and Santa all of which revolved around the theme of things to do..... ski helmets, ice skates, ski mittens and socks, and books. Our family also did an amazing job of sticking to the theme. Board games, crafts, and money to put towards experiences were all very thoughtful. 

We were also extremely creative in making many of the gifts we sent to family. The girls made necklaces for their teachers while I crocheted up a storm. I also put our pictures from the past year into a calendar for the girls grandparents. Making gifts takes time. This means that some gifts will be late, but I am learning that this is okay as well. It has been a wonderful experience teaching the girls to make things.

What did we learn from this experience? 



Christmas does not come out of a box. It comes from within. It isn't about having Christmas cards or presents packaged and mailed on time. It is about giving from the heart with great thoughtfulness and spending time with the people you love. I personally really enjoyed this Christmas, because I wasn't stressed out about buying things to fulfill some obligation. I had time to enjoy my girls while they are young. I am not sure how many more years they will continue to believe in Santa or our Elf on a Shelf, Holly. I needed to cherish every moment this year and that is exactly what I did. If the Christmas season makes you frantic, like it did me, I highly recommend making a change. Maybe make a BIG change. It was totally worth it to discover the true spirit of Christmas. You only get one life, experience it before it passes you by. 

Happy Holidays to all. May the New Year bless you with many happy experiences that make incredible memories. I am looking forward to 2016!

You Are Responsible for You

    You Are Responsible For You

Tough pill to swallow, I know. This is a lesson I strive to teach my 2nd graders and my own 6 and 8 year old daughters, yet, I know many adults who still haven't accepted this reality. Heck, it took me over 30 years to really accept what this truly means. 

In a nutshell, it means; my struggles and my problems are no one else's fault, nor are my insecurities or mistakes. I am responsible for my own decisions and happiness. Once I embraced these truths, I was able to really grow up and make changes in my life that have completely transformed me. For the first time in a long time, I am truly happy.

If a child makes a bad choice, a consequence follows. It is not the teacher's fault or the parent's fault, nor is it another's child's fault. It is not ok to hit someone just because they hit you first. A bad choice also does not make the child a bad child. They simply made a mistake. However, children must be taught to accept that they are responsible for the choice they made and what they can do differently the next time. That is up to us as the adults in their lives to teach them. It is also up to us to be the role models and take responsibility for our own mistakes. 

We ALL make mistakes. We MUST make mistakes in order to learn. In fact, looking back, the biggest lessons I have learned have come from mistakes I have made. Working on weaknesses makes me a better athlete, parent, teacher, spouse, and person. If I only do what I am good at, I cannot grow. This means leaving my comfort zone. 

I recently read the book, Mindset: The New Psychology of Success by Carol Dweck. It talks about fixed mindset versus growth mindset. I highly recommend reading this book if you haven't. It really opened my eyes and how I view at the world, especially in teaching young children. 

According to Dweck, people with a fixed mindset truly believe that they do not have the power to change their own reality. They are either athletic or not, smart or not, artistic or not....etc. Those with a growth mindset believe that they can make changes to improve their situation. 

Imagine a life where you truly believe you are stuck; nothing you do changes a thing. If you are not smart, athletic or artistic, why bother? Trying would just mean failure and you don't want to fail. Imagine you are smart, athletic, or artistic, but you believe you did nothing to get yourself there. Still you would be afraid to try, because you have no idea how you got where you are.....This is no way to live in my opinion. It means you believe you have no control over your life.

That brings me back to my original point. You are responsible for you. You have the power to make decisions everyday which influence who you are and what you will become. 

If you are insecure, it is because you choose to look at others accomplishments as a threat. Instead, try looking at this accomplishment as an opportunity to grow. If someone has something you want, or has accomplished something you want to accomplish, write down the goal and figure out a plan to get there. Use this as motivation. Also, remember that this person likely worked hard to gain that accomplishment. It may take you time and hard work to get there too, but you can do it. Believe in your ability to change your mind set and grow.

Each morning, I decide to look for the positives in that day. In fact, my sister, Ellie, and I text each other 3 gratitudes everyday. We have found that this accountability helps us to frame our day in a positive, growth mindset everyday. Happiness is a decision EVERYDAY.

You can choose to surround yourself with people who help you grow to reach your goals and become the person you wish to be, or people who sabotage those goals. This includes yourself. Choose not to sabotage yourself. 

Over the last few years, I surrounded myself with the most supportive women who have helped me to grow in so many ways. They have also held me accountable to be true to myself. They don't let me make excuses and believe in me even when I don't. Create your own support network.

I choose happiness. I choose to learn from my mistakes. I choose to work hard to reach my goals. I take responsiblity for my decisions. I believe this has helped me to actually be happier than ever.

Riverside Sprint Triathlon

Riverside Sprint Triathlon
June 20, 2015

This post is late....really late.  Give me a break, I am teacher on summer break! While this was definitely not an Ironman completed in 104 degree temperatures, and I most definitely did not qualify for any national titles, for me this race was a big milestone. It may have been one of the bigger races I have ever been in. 


I have not raced in a triathon since 2013 due to several health issues, including a heart procedure in January, so the Riverside Sprint Triathlon was my first triathlon in about 2 years. 

My original plan was to wait for the Lander Sprint Triathlon in August and put in some better training especially in the pool and running. Since the girls and I were going to visit their grandma in Casper, and the triathlon happened to be going on that weekend, I figured what the heck, might as well shake the rust off.

I arrived at Edness Kimball Wilkins State Park bright and early on Saturday, June 20. Very early.....way to early. In fact, they were not even set up to check in athletes yet. This may have had to do with the fact that I was just a little nervous..... I was the very first athlete to arrive, so I got the pick of the transition area spots. I set up my transition area, and waited for the other athletes to arrive. Waited and waited and waited.... Good thing I brought a good book and had plenty of room in the back of the mini-van to lay down. I could have slept in another hour! About 45 minutes later, other athletes started to arrive. 

I was shocked that I remembered how to set up a transition area!

Finally, it was time for me to warm up. First, I rode my bike and made sure everything was functioning correctly. Next, I did some running. After about a half mile, I started to feel my calf tighten up. This was an old injury that hadn't reared it's head in 2 years! I stopped to stretch and tried to work it out the best I could. "Great," I thought, "Now, I have something else to worry about besides my heart." Maybe this was a blessing... I went on to get ready for the swim hoping for the best from my calf when it came time to run in the race. 

During the prerace meeting, my girls showed up with grandma Brenda. I was so happy to see my cheering section in place. Win or lose, cramped calf and all I just wanted to finish this to show my girls I could do it. 

So, I wiggled into my wet suit. I was VERY thankful it still fit. I went down to the water to check it out and swim a few strokes. A few minutes later, we were off.

It felt amazing to be gliding along in the open water of the very small lake. After the start, I really didn't see anyone again until I exited the water and began to run towards the transition area. The run was more of a hobble than anything, as I felt my calf tighten up. "Wonderful!" I thought and kept going.

As I passed through transition, I realized and older man who had exited the water behind me was chatting with me. He said, "Jeez, I couldn't even hold on to your feet!  You are fast!" 

I just kept moving, but was thinking to myself, this guy is going to crush me on the bike. He just had that look about him. You know the lean, mean, older man cycling look. 

Sure enough, he passed me in the first 10 feet leaving transition. I didn't expect to see him again the rest of the day. I was wrong. I felt great on the bike and flew by him on the next up hill. We played cat and mouse then entire rest of the 11.5 miles of the cycling leg. I even dropped my chain at one point and he came buy me after I put it back on successfully and complimented me on my bike mechanic skills. I guess it pays in more ways that one to mountain bike......

I was able to get in and out of the second transition right in front of him. I was off on the run. The entire time, I was just praying that my calf wouldn't cramp so bad that I had to walk. Within the first  mile, I felt it tighten quite a bit. I started to walk. Then, I thought, "No way, there is no way I am going to walk." I started to run again.

I was lucky enough to be able to stick to a respectable pace and not have to walk again due to my calf cramping. I have no idea what the pace was as my watch was not on the right setting, and there were no chip timers. Maybe this too was a blessing....

As I crossed the finish line, I was welcomed by 3 smiling faces. My time was 1:07:09 over 2 minutes ahead of the next athlete. I was very excited, as my heart handled the challenge with absolutely no problems. I knew at that moment I was back. 

Eva and Abby sharing my race medal.

After the race, I went swimming in the lake with my favorite swimming partners, Eva and Abby. What a wonderful experience, I can hardly wait for them to do their first triathlon someday!

What a Difference a Year Makes 

As a teacher, I have been trained to reflect on each lesson I teach. This helps me to improve upon my teaching methods to increase student learning. I feel lucky as a teacher, because we get to have 2 New Years in the same calendar year; January 1 and at the completion of the school year. Both are a time of great reflection. 

This spring as I review over the past year, I cannot help but be amazed at all that I have experienced and learned. I have become stronger both physically and mentally, more patient with myself and those around me, and grateful for all life has to offer. I have been tested in health, marriage, career, and motherhood over the past 2 years. For this, I am so thankful, because each challenge is helping to shape me into what I believe is a much better person.

My most recent learning experiences have stemmed from taking chances and facing fears. First, in late February, I made the decision that I was going to apply for a teaching position in the Lander school district. This is where my children go to school, and I want to be able to be a part of and give back to the children in the community in which I live. This was a tough decision, as I would have to put my resume and application into a large, competitive pool. It also meant the possibility of leaving wonderful staff and students at my current school, not to mention the hard work collegues and I have put into our GVC (guaranteed viable curriculum) and CFAs (common formative assessments) for both math and language arts. It also involves leaving my comfort zone as starting any new job requires. But you never know unless you try, right? So, I went forward with the process. 

At the end of March, I was given an opportunity interview! Those of you who have interviewed know this is also a scary process. In early April, after the interview, I was put into the pool of teaching candidates who could be called upon if and when new positions open. 

Long story short, on my last day of school near the end of May, things fell into place, and I was offered a 2nd grade position. Thus, began the process of saying goodbye to one district and looking forward to many new changes in the fall. As I will not only be in a new district, but also a new grade level. Another lesson in patience and believing there is a plan for me. 

During this spring, I also continued to build my confidence and challenge myself appropriately in athletics to conquer many mental demons in recovering from my heart procedure. Due to my experiences with rhabdo last spring and then learning my heart had 3 holes (patched January 29, 2015), I have had huge mental hills to climb in relation to training and competition. In my opinion, the mental recovery has been much more challenging to me than the actual physical recovery has been. I am very excited to report that I have now accomplished the following......

                         1. Completed full "Murph" with a partner in 37:34                                with minimal soreness. Thank you Lindy for                                      helping me face this one head on!
                             (We both ran the first mile and last mile and alternated the 20 rounds of                                                        5 pushups, 5 pullups, 5 pushups, and 15 air squats.)
                          2. 50 burpees for time in 2:30.
                          3. Ran 6 miles @ 8:13 pace with Zone 1-2                                             perceived effort.
                          4. Overhead Squat 2 reps @ 95#
                          5. Split Jerk 2 reps @ 115#
                          6. Biked 67 miles then 2 weeks later.....
                          7. Biked 100 miles as part of Little Red Riding                                       Hood.

This last feat was an emotional journey which I will blog about in another post.

Reflection is good. Personal growth is better. Personal growth as a result of careful reflection is the best. If there were no challenges in our lives, we would never discover the amazing person within ourselves and how strong we can truly be. A little bit of patience and the passing of time can go a long way. What a difference a year makes.

Why I CrossFit

Why I CrossFit

I was a college swimmer for 4 years and ran cross country for 1. In high school, I ran track and swam, and was also a gymnast. My transition into triathlon post college seemed like an obvious fit. Now, I also mountain bike, trail run, nordic ski, snowboard, and yes, I CrossFit. 

A few years ago, I became an NSCA-Certified Personal Trainer while I took a break from classroom teaching to stay at home with my daughters. I started the Lander Triathlon Club and coached spin, swim, and running classes in addition to personal training. I am married to a Doctor of Chiropractor. We both CrossFit. (Although, he is more into the Olympic lifting aspect now.) 

I will admit that I was skeptical of CrossFit. I had heard all the stories about injury and all the reasons CrossFit was bad. So I stayed away. 

As I was working with my clients and on my own training, there were a couple of coaches working on setting up a CrossFit "box" in our little town. Of course, I took notice and watched from afar.

Then, my friends started to join this "box". Still, I remained skeptical. I was still not convinced CrossFit was a good idea let alone something I would ever do. Of course, I hadn't tried it. I continued to hear all about how wonderful CrossFit was over and over again from my friends. They raved about the coaching at our local "box". Finally, I became curious enough and I caved. Yes, I

drank the koolaid. Now, I am addicted. 

Every evening, I wait for the WOD to be posted. Then, I have an internal conflict within myself about whether I should go the following day or not. Sometimes, this conflict is because the WOD looks like so much fun, but I feel like I need to get on my bike, go for a run, or hit the pool instead. Still other times, I really want to go, but double unders, burpees, or some other dreaded movements are on the agenda. 

What I found out when I finally took the plunge and went is that despite the naysayers, CrossFit is AWESOME. We are lucky to have some very knowledgeable and supportive coaches at our "box". I have learned a lot from them despite having held my own coaching and personal training certifications. They always hold us accountable to correct movement standards. They also program movements that both challenge us while keeping up with the newest research. We do not do crunches. In fact, last week we did "Russian Annie." Their version of Annie which replaces crunches with KB swings. 

Here is my list of reasons why I continue to CrossFit and couldn't wait to go back despite having had 3 holes in my heart repaired just over 3 months ago.

1. So I get to see my friends and make new ones on a regular basis. 

2.  So that my daughters see that women can be strong and beautiful.

3. So that I can show my daughters how to work hard to acheive a goal.

4. So I can do an ungodly amount of pullups whether they be strict or kipping. By the way, I do both. 

5. So I can change my shoes from running to Oly and back to running all in one workout.

6. So I can say I clean....

7. So I have a competitive outlet for my stress any day of the week.

8. So I can "play" after a tough day in the classroom. 

9. So I can tie myself in knots while doing double unders or quick karaoke.

10. So I continually challenge myself on a daily basis whether it be with a new movement or workout I have never done.

11. So I can win, lose, or fall flat on my face with grace and dignity.

12. So I encourage others to be their best.

13. So that I am continually challenged.

14. So I learn to push my own limits when appropriate and back off when needed.

15. So that I am held accountable to have my chest hit the floor on every single push up and my elbows locked out at the top of each snatch.

16. So my jeans are too tight in the quads and butt and gap at the waist.

17. So I am stronger and faster when I do bike, run, and swim.

18. So I have more confidence in everything I do.

19. So I can compete against myself and the clock.

20. So I can post pictures all over Facebook.

21. So I don't have to count calories.

22. So my husband doesn't have to call his guy friends to help him move heavy furniture.

23. So I can feel good wearing a bikini at the age of 35 and hopefully 45 and 55. 

24. So I can hear 3, 2, 1.... in my sleep.

25. So someone else can coach me through a workout. 

26. Because I feel present and alive during each workout!

The Winding Path That Is Life

The Winding Path That Is Life

In 2 days, I will be celebrating the 3 month anniversary of the procedure placing two devices over 3 holes in my atrium wall. I have 3 Plavix left to take. It is also 18.5 days until the last day of school. But, I am not counting..... 

Man, the past few years have been a bumpy ride! Overall, this procedure ranks in the top 5 of my most life changing experiences. Getting married, moving to Lander from Minnesota, and the birth of both my daughters make the list. However, this has been different, as it was not a choice. My other experiences were the result of choices I made with careful thought. I definitely did not chose to have these health problems.      

                                                                                                                                        

I am thrilled to report that things are currently going well. This has not come without extreme frustration and setbacks. However, those have become less and less common as my old levels of fitness and confidence begin to return. The first few workouts I did in the months post-recovery were filled with self-doubt, and face it, I was out of shape. There were times, I wondered why I was even trying to compete again. I almost gave up and quit having athletic goals altogether.

At my 1 month appointment, I was told to proceed with no limitations, but my mind and body had other ideas. It was extremely hard to separate being out of shape with heart complications. It takes 2 weeks to lose fitness and 12 to rebuild. I had completely forgotten what it feels like to be out of shape and starting over from scratch. It had been 5 years, since I had to whip myself into shape. I also struggled with being terrified every time my heart beat fast, which happens more often when you are out of shape. There were several workouts where I reached the point where I needed to dig in or back off. I chose to back off due to extreme lack of self confidence. I am having to learn to trust that my heart will not fail me. Trust is not an easy thing to earn back.

As an athlete, I never once questioned my heart or lungs. Those organs were always my strength and on my side, until now. I have been failed by my arms, legs, back, ankles, feet, etc. more than once in my training or races, but never by the vital body parts that keep me alive. My entire approach to training and working out has changed.                                                                                                                   Now, I have no plan. I listen to my body period. If I am not feeling it, I back off. It might even mean an extra day off. If I am on though, you better look out!                                                                                         Over the past 2 months, I have had terrible workouts. I have been laying on the ground when they are finished, because I pushed too hard at the beginning thinking I could do something I used to do only to die by the end. Working through the soreness of getting back in shape, was also no treat. Especially since, everytime I get very sore, the PTSD from rhabdo kicks in. This fear was enough to help me make really good decisions including which workouts I chose to participate and also at what level. I lifted much lighter weights and scaled many more workouts than ever. In addition to this, I also spent a lot of time running slow, up to 1 min/mile slower than I have in a long time.

Recently, I have had some amazing results both physically and mentally. Those workouts are what keep me coming back. In the end, I had to decide that I am going to keep track of new PRs. I am not going to compare myself to the pre-procedure Ann. Maybe someday, I will be able to compete at the same level as before. Maybe I will be better..... in the meantime, I am just going to keep moving forward and remain thankful for each day I have to spend with my family. The key is remembering that the road to success is not a never a straight line. Progress takes patience.          

New Post-Procedure PR's

Road Biked 43 miles

Ran 4 miles @ 8:23 pace

(with the girls on bikes)

Mountain Biked 10 miles

"Helen"- 9:22 

(actually the 1st time I ever did it)

"Nancy"- 13:53

(actually the 1st time I ever did it)

600 M Run- 1:53

Push Press - 95# 1RM

Trying to Come Back

Trying to Come Back

     Almost 6 weeks, post procedure, I am working on my come back to my many endurance endeavors. What this will look like and how long this might take is yet to be determined. I am, however, extremely happy to be riding my bike, running, swimming, and mixing in a little strength training again even if it did mean starting completely over. Throughout this process, I have learned a few lessons and had to remind myself of several key principles, that I have held others accountable to, but have not had to experience on this scale myself. I have been extremely lucky in my 35 years, to have only had a few minor bumps in the road when training. The following are key concepts, I am learning to work with as I continue on this journey.

Listen to YOUR Body

Ultimately, this is rule number 1 and trumps all other advice that follows. Most likely, this is the most difficult aspect for most driven athletes to grasp including myself. Your body will give you signals. Learn to read them and be confident in when to push a little more and when to back off. Leave your ego at the door and only do what works for that day. Staying comfortable, doesn't always get immediate results, but pushing too far can be disastrous especially when coming back from an injury or health ailment. If you aren't feeling it, it is better to take a day off, reassess and come back with a vengeance when you certain your body is absolutely ready. There is no shame in stopping a workout early or simply canceling one just don't do it every day.

Understand Your Injury and it's Limitations

      Your comeback will look different depending upon what you are coming back from. If you had shoulder surgery, you will be much more limited in upper body movements when compared to an athlete who is recovering from a knee surgery. It is that simple. Work within your limitations, use your strengths. Also, be sure you do your rehab and follow your doctors orders.  

     For me, specifically, at 1 month, I was told, I am not limited and that I should be exercising; cardio, weightlifting, everything. Even with 2 cardiologists telling me to go for it, it is extremely scary. I am definitely now more than ever following RULE #1 (see above) as my guiding principle. Heart rate training has now become more important than ever. I am told by doctors who know way more than I do that I will not rip the patches out of the tissue. This does not keep me from experiencing the occasional random mental picture of that very thing happening. I am hoping with time, this will pass, and I will soon forget that they are even there..... In the meantime, when I start to feel woozy or my chest starts to pound, I back off. Tomorrow is another day.

Build a Base

     Slowly increase aerobic and strength volume followed by intensity. Build slowly by roughly 10% for 2-3 weeks and then back off for a week to allow recovery to take place. After that, you can continue to increase for another couple of weeks. When in doubt, refer to back to rule #1. 

     BE PATIENT. I know, I know, easier said than done. It takes 2 weeks to lose endurance and about 12 to gain it back.  Depressing, I know, but this is why most people give up and quit or end up injured. Remember you did not get to where you were before your injury overnight. It takes time. The goal is to progress in a healthy manner, not end up going backwards.....

Set a Goal or Many

Specific

Measurable

Attainable

Realistic

Time Based

Be sure your goals include the above aspects. Write them down and revisit them often. It often helps to choose a larger goal that might take 3-6 months to obtain. After doing so, write smaller goals that you can check off weekly or biweekly to help keep your focus and motivation. 

For example here is one of goals:

Specific - Ride Little Red Riding Hood -100 miles

Measurable - complete 100 miles on my road bike

Attainable -  Yet to be determined, 

but I have done this several times pre-procedure.

Realistic -  yes

Time Based - June 6, 2015

March - Begin to ride more consistently up to 30 miles

April - Complete a 50 mile ride

May - Complete a 75 mile ride

Be Consistent 

     This one seems self explanatory.  If you were active before your injury, you were very likely consistent.  In your come back, you must continue to be consistent as well.  

Nutrition

     Do not over look the importance of eating nutrient dense foods that will aid in your recovery and also help you to reach your goals. However, if your exercise levels have decreased, be sure that your calorie intake matches.  Remember when your body is trying to overcome an injury, it often takes more nutrients to properly repair.

Find Support

     Reach out to friends or family who will listen when you are scared or frustrated. Remember to share your triumphs as well.  The road to recovery can feel very lonely without this support. 

     This has been one of the most difficult aspects for me so far. As my friends continue to progress with their fitness goals, I had to take a huge step backward. While I know this will ultimately allow me to continue to move forward, it is often hard to keep in perspective, as it could take a year or more be back. I am lucky to have so much love and support surrounding me as I continue on the path to recovery. 

     It has been a little over a month and has already been riddled with many frustrations and victories. Each day, I learn something new. I am so fortunate to have been given an opportunity to have a second chance at my athletic goals. For that, I am thankful everyday.

So Far So Good!

So Far So Good!

It has been 27 days since my closure. Tomorrow, will mark 4 weeks. In these 4 weeks, life has made a dramatic turn for the better. My throat is 100% healed up and the bruise at the catheter sight has almost completely faded.  

The most noticeable change has been in my energy levels. I sleep amazing (most nights) and wake up rested. Even better yet, I end each day will some energy left in my tank! This is a dramatic change from my tank running on fumes by noon. In fact, last night, I slept 7 straight hours (which was unheard of before the procedure). I woke this morning at 5:15 without an alarm feeling rested! I felt so wonderful, I decided to get up and go swim. Keep in mind, I left a warm bed to go outside in the WINTER and by choice jumped in the cold pool. It is now evening, and I still have energy left to write this after a full day in my fourth grade classroom, coming home with my kiddos, and making dinner. What a total change from the last few years!

My incidents of headaches has also decreased dramatically.  I think I have only had 1 this entire month. My palpitations are not noticeable most of the time, although, sometimes still present. I have also been told, I seem calmer and more relaxed by many people including my family. It is so amazing to not be dragging myself through life.

According to my Movescount account, I have exercised 16 times since February 7, 2015. For those of you who don't like math, that is 16 out of 19 days that I have been able to move! I have burned 2639 calories biking or running (the only time I wear the actual HR monitor). In hours, I have biked 5:05, run 2:17, swam 1:10, and skate skied 0:43. I have also completed 3 CrossFit workouts (modified, don't worry nothing crazy).  

This exercise has definitely had some ups and downs. I do pay very close attention to my HR (heart rate) and RPE (rate of perceived exertion). There have been a couple workouts I have finished where I have thought, "What have I done...."  for a couple hours. When this happened, I used it as a gauge to step back do less the next time. It has been a challenge for me to figure out where to begin with my baseline.  It has been 5 years, since I have had to start completely over from scratch.  Overall, though, I have been feeling great during and after each workout and am delighted to be back in the saddle.  

I am learning to check my ego at the door and listen to my body VERY closely.  As a former personal trainer, I know it takes 2 week to lose an endurance base and 6-8 to gain it back under normal conditions. Therefore, I am only half way there.  The great unknown is how my heart will respond and regulate with increased activity.  Right now, I am happy to report, so far so good.

Lessons Learned

10 Lessons Learned

The road to recovery and a better quality of life lies ahead, as this struggle (discovery of a PFO and 2 ASDs and closure of these holes) comes to an end. As I reach this crossroad, it is important to take the time to reflect on the lessons learned as a result of this health scare, in hopes that moving forward I keep each with me. I will need to read this post often..... 

I strongly believe that each struggle we are handed is to help us grow as individuals.

My 2 week follow-up was Monday, so it seems an appropriate time to reflect upon my journey. I am thrilled to share that my resting heart rate was 58 and my blood pressure was 120/68. Things seem to be settling back to normal levels. Now, I get to progress cautiously as I continue to add exercise back into my daily routine. I am 3 weeks post closure today!

The lessons I learned over the past 2 months.

1.  Priority #1 = Family
Never ever take this for granted. I missed my girls like crazy while I was in Denver for my procedure. Nothing will ever match their beautiful smiles and hugs. I am SO thankful that Dean was there with me. He is my rock. Having him by my side is a gift that I will forever be thankful. 

2.  Live for Today, as Tomorrow is NOT a Guarantee
This was an awakening for me. Anything can happen at anytime. Today is a gift, treat it as a gift. I am so thankful for each morning that I wake up more alert and energetic than ever before. I have been given an amazing gift of a better quality of life for that I am so blessed.

My girls

3.  Show Gratitude Everyday for:

Family

Friends

Health

Nature

Fulfilling career that provides for my family

I am noticing more peace and gratitude in my life as I reflect during my drive to and from work, during my bike rides, runs, and swims. Everything just seems so much better now. This goes with #2; what a gift it is to be able to enjoy all the things I love again. Even front squatting 25# yesterday was such gift!

4. Accept Help; It is OK to be Human

Dirty Bird Liftoff Thanksgiving 2014 Pre-Closure

This was probably the hardest lesson for me to learn. In fact, I am fairly certain that I will be working on this one my whole life. I have always prided myself on being able to take care of myself. "Little Miss Me Do It", my mom has said this more than once in reference to me. Being the oldest child and a natural care giver, it has never been in my nature to let others help me. However, I got to a point where I was so exhausted pre-procedure and felt so crappy for a several days after, that I realized it takes a village. I am so grateful for all those who stepped up to help. I couldn't have done it without all of you! I also learned how helping others in their time of need or allowing others to help you, can bring friendships closer together. I am forever grateful for this lesson.

5.  Listen to Your Body 

If you think something is wrong, trust your judgement and keep seeking out answers, you are probably right. After several years of frustration, we finally found answers. I was unwilling to accept the quality of life I was experiencing. Knowing your body, paying attention to changes, and not stopping until you find answers can save your life. Had I not kept searching, these holes may not have been found for a long time, and irreversible damage could have been done. I am so lucky these were found BEFORE experiencing a stroke or heart attack.

6. Find a Great Healthcare Team and Advocate for Yourself
I am so impressed with how fast I was able to have my procedure completed. From diagnosis to closure was less than 2 months. Once we figured out the root of my problem, things seemed to move quickly. Although, while in it, it felt like snail pace. My heart goes out to those in my PFO Facebook group who have been waiting for many years due to insurance or other issues. 

7.  Technology is Amazing

44 years ago, my mom had an ASD repaired via open heart surgery. The recovery time in the hospital was 10 days followed by several weeks at home.  My closure was done via my femural vein with a catheter while cameras were sent down my esophagus.  Instead of sutures, a Gore Helix and a Amplatzer Occluder patched my PFO and 2 ASDs.  This involved 1 night in the hospital and 1 week of recovery.  Enough said.

8. Embracing New Hobbies is FUN!

Having my exercise limited to brisk walks forced me out of my normal routine. Because I am a busy body and not one to willingly spend time holding down the couch, I was left no other choice than to explore new hobbies. In the past 2 months, I have taught myself to crochet.  This is something I would have never done had I not been forced to sit still. My girls are thrilled! I also started blogging which has been a great motivation to have a purpose for writing and an outlet to work through my struggle. Last, I returned to yoga more regularly so that my body wouldn't turn to stone sitting on the couch. All three of these new hobbies are things I am planning to make time for even when I am back to my normal routine.

9.  A New Exercise Mindset  
This is definitely one of the harder transitions with which I have struggled. I have always been an athlete and have the mindset of an athlete. Let's face it, I want to be the best at whatever sport I am participating in and will often rearrange my world for a goal. To say I am competitive, might be an understatement. Now that I have been cleared to continue a "normal" exercise routine, I am working on changing my outlook from that of an athlete to that of an exerciser. What is the difference?  (Read this article Are You an Athlete or an Exerciser?; really it is enlightening.) Right now, I am learning to take my ego and competitiveness out of my workouts. I really don't have a choice. In fact, yesterday, I did front squats with 25 lbs and a WOD with power cleans at 35 lbs. I also faced away from the clock. This was very hard for me to do in a gym filled with other people. My runs and road rides are slow and shorter than they have been in years. However, I am so grateful to be off the couch and moving.  Will I train for a competitive goal again?  Yes, I hope to....soon.  First thing is first, RECOVER!

10. What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger
I am confident that I am a much stronger woman as a result of this experience due to all of the above reasons. Even though, I would have rather not gone through this, I am convinced that it is something I needed to experience in order to move forward with my next 40 years in a more enlightened fashion. Life has a whole new meaning now.

Oxygen - What a Difference

Oxygen - What a Difference

Views from my first bike ride back.  Squaw/Baldwin Loop

Exactly two weeks ago, on the eve of my procedure, Dean and I were enjoying dinner at Chili's, as we discussed the changes that were to come. At this time, we could only speculate that I would feel better, but we had no idea what lay ahead. There have been several ups and downs, but overall I am thrilled with the results I have experienced to date.  

Immediately following the procedure, as I was coming out of the anesthesia, I noticed  that my hands were warm. It was a weird sensation as it came from the inside. However, the next day, Dean commented that he felt like he was holding someone else's hand, because my hands were so warm.

Today, also marks day 1 of week 2 being back to work. There has been a noticeable difference in the energy I now have to keep up with my fourth graders. I am not dragging myself through the week like I did prior to the closure. It is amazing to experience the improvement in my energy level at the end of a Wednesday despite spending a large portion of last night coughing, missing out on precious sleep. 

During the day, I also feel much more alert.  Getting out of bed in the morning has become much easier as well. It is amazing the difference oxygen can make!

In my opinion, the best part is coming home and having enough energy to be present and enjoy my girls after a long day at school. I look forward to seeing them so much more, because I am not so exhausted. My patience with them has also increased which just allows me to be a better mom. 

Before my first workout post procedure.

Now that my resting heart rate is in the 60s and palpitations are rarely noticeable, I have also been able to return to exercise.  This has been both exciting and humbling.  I am thrilled to be outside in the beautiful 50 degree weather feeling the blood pumping though my body again. After 2 months off, I am definitely out of shape and am starting completely over....I am trying to be patient with the process, but am struggling with starting from ground 0.  I worked so hard to be where I was, it is frustrating that those gains can disappear so quickly. I have put in a total of 4 days of exercise and am really focusing on keeping my effort levels and heart rate at zone 1.  This is my plan for the next month.  After that, I am really excited to see where this improved heart can take me!  I am in awe of what a difference some oxygenated blood can make.

Next, I need to kick the sore throat that I have had ever since the procedure......but continue to be eternally grateful for all the improvements in my life. It is amazing to wake up each morning and accept each day as a gift, even on the hardest days. 

Becoming Bionic

Becoming Bionic

On January 29, 2015, the alarm woke Dean and I up at 6 AM sharp in order to begin the preparations for my 8 AM procedure to fix the 3 holes in the wall of my atrial septum; 2 ASDs and a PFO that had been there since birth.  The early morning preparation and emotions felt very similar to those I commonly feel on race morning.  There was much anxiety, excitement, and anticipation in the air. Dean and I even dressed for the day in our team shirts.  We chose these particular shirts, because growing up in a Finnish family with a mother who is 100% Finnish, I had heard this spoken about often. Dean and I recognized and brought this part of my heritage back into the forefront of our lives, as we started CrossFit last fall.  These are actually Rogue t-shirts.

According to Wikepedia: Sisu is a Finnish word generally meaning stoic determination, bravery, resilience,^[1][2] perseverance and hardiness,^[3][4] supposedly expressing a peculiarily Finnish national character.

At 6:30 that morning, I checked in at the front desk of the University of Denver Hospital. Shortly after, I was taken back to a room. I was given a hospital gown in which to change.  I was bummed to have to trade my team shirt for the drabby gown, but what can you do?  

After that, several nurses entered the room.  One began asking me questions as the other nurse started an IV in each arm.  Then, 2 anesthesiologists explained to me what they would be doing to put me to sleep.  I was not entirely prepared for this portion of the journey.  I knew I was going to be put to sleep, but I had yet to realize that this was the scary part upon waking.  

After I got the 411 on anesthesia, I was visited by the main cardiologist's assistant.  It turns out he had just moved to Denver from Minnesota where he was working at the Mayo Clinic.  For some reason, the connection to Minnesota helped to put me at ease. Not sure why, since he was actually Ethiopian, but he seemed like a great guy!  Of course, once he left the room, Dean had to comment that he was probably a good runner, since he was small and from Ethiopia.  He did kind of look like a runner.....

Sorry for the random thought...... after at least 3 trips to the restroom, apparently I get nervous bladder before surgery just like I do for athletic competitions.... the Dr. from the cath lab finally came.  I my goodbyes and I love yous to Dean and was wheeled away.

Once, I was in the cath lab,  I met the main anesthesiologist.  The only thing I remember about this portion was talking about my new mountain bike with 2 of the anesthesiologists.  Apparently, one of them has a daughter who just bought a new tri bike.  However, before I was able to ask about the bike, I was asleep. Some nights, I wish I could fall asleep that quickly.

Upon awakening, I felt horrible.  I had no idea how awful it can feel to come out of anesthesia.  It was not a fun experience.  Luckily, it did not make me vomit, because my throat was extremely raw.

I vaguely remember the cardiologist's sweet nurse coming to visit me as well as a few other medical people to poke and prod.  Dean had already been briefed by Dr. Carroll and learned that all went well with the procedure.  

The procedure had taken roughly 3 hours to complete.  I now have a 30 mm Gore Helix Occluder and a smaller Amplatzer Occluder housed in the wall of my septum.  A 30 mm Gore Helix device was used to repair my 1 inch PFO and a 3-4 mm ASD.  An Amplatzer device is now filling the space of a second 3-4 mm ASD.   In all, I had 3 holes patched.  

Gore Helix Occluder being placed over holes in the septal wall.

These devices were inserted into place via a transcatheter procedure through my femoral vein. The cardiologists monitored the procedure via cameras in my esophagus. 

After the procedure was complete, I had to lay in bed flat on my back for 3 hours.  This was to allow the blood to clot in my femoral vein.  This part was not real pleasant either.  I am not a back sleeper.  I was so excited when these 3 hours where over!

I was able to leave the hospital the following day around 11:30 AM after having a magnesium IV, 4 huge potassium supplements (they had found these levels were low in my labs done that morning), and a (transthoracic echocardiogram) TTE.  This showed that the holes where repaired correctly. Thank goodness!  There were almost no bubbles crossing the wall at rest and very few when performing the valsalva maneuver.  (For notes on what a bubble test involves see Faith Under Stress post.)  The doctor said the holes are 90-95% repaired and within 6-12 months, tissue will grow over them and the will be 100% repaired.  This TTE will be repeated at 1 month, 6 months, and 1 year.

The procedure to close these holes was approximately 5 days ago. Since then, I have had many ups and downs physically and emotionally.  The scariest part for me is that my RHR (resting heart rate) has been 80-90 bpm.  This is 30 or more beats above my normal RHR.  I have also had periods of time where my PVCs (palpitations: skipping heart beats) has been up to 7 in a minute. This makes me feel incredibly nauseous. 

I went in for an EKG and labs yesterday afternoon.  Things look good, so far.  My throat is 95% better and my groin area is only slightly tender.  I still need to take it easy for a little bit longer, but Dr. Carroll did say that I am allowed to begin light exercise 1-2 weeks following the procedure and competition like training after 1 month if all is going well.  I am looking forward to this process very much.  

Yesterday, and today, I enjoyed the beautiful weather and went for light walks.  Yesterday, my walk was 15 min HR was mostly in the 105-120 range.... Today, I was able to get in two walks 20 min and 15 min.  Heart rate was similar.  Seems weird to have such a high heart rate while walking.  I am hoping that things will calm down soon.  As I sit here typing my RHR is 75-85.  If I can continue to make progress like this in the days to come, I will be thrilled!

A card I received from a friend in MN.  Thanks Matt.  You always did believe in me.

I am pretty excited to test out my new bionic heart (slowly, I promise). It just sounds pretty darn cool to say.  Girl of Steel, otherwise know as Supergirl; I am looking forward to feeling more like this version of myself. Thanks again for reading and continuing to be with me on this journey.  I am excited to author future posts continuing to update progress.  Til next time!